Thursday Evening

                                    

                                          
John and Mick had gone outside for a smoke after dinner and had stayed on the porch enjoying the evening. The camera crew was outside with them, but they weren't paying any attention to them. It was amazing how quickly you could tune out being followed by cameras. 
They observed Lindsey as he drove up with a couple of boxes. He set them on the porch and grabbed the garden hose, chatting with the men for a few minutes as he watered Stevie's outdoor plants.
He'd taken them on as his own project since she was unsteady on her feet. He couldn't help but think about what it would be like to share a home with Stevie and plan their garden together. It seemed as far from the rockstar life that they'd lived for so long as anything he could envision, but he liked thinking about it. Christine was doing it. They could, too. 
However, with the way things were going, he wasn't hopeful that it would ever happen.
Lindsey noticed some zinnias growing on the side of the house and some hydrangeas blooming, too. He still had the scissors in his pocket from taping Stevie's toes, so he took those out and cut a few blooms to bring inside to Stevie. 
He didn't mention the flowers in his hand when he was on his way inside, but it was lost on no one, not John, not Mick, not the entire film crew, who they were for. As Lindsey walked up the steps, he didn't see Stevie downstairs. Good. He'd hoped she hadn't tried to come down the stairs alone while he was away. 
He grabbed a vase from the kitchen cabinet and added the flowers, intending to fill it with water once he was upstairs. 
With the vase in his hand and the boxes beneath his arm, he climbed the stairs. The camera crew discreetly filmed until he was out of sight. He didn't hear any sound coming from her room and didn't want to bother her if she was sleeping. So, he brought the flowers into his bathroom and filled the vase. 
He put them down on the dresser, picked up the boxes he'd brought upstairs, and took them to the balcony. Lindsey made quick work of hanging the lights he'd bought when he went out earlier. They'd be spending the next weeks here, not to mention the weekend alone, here together, and he wanted to make it as special and inviting for her as he could. She'd talked about adding garden lights when they first arranged the plants, and this was his way of letting her know he was always listening. He hoped it would be a surprise she'd enjoy.
He finished as the sun was beginning to set, and when he plugged in the lights, he was pleased with the way they crisscrossed the balcony. He couldn't wait to see how Stevie liked it. 
He heard sounds coming from behind her door. He stood close by trying to decide whether he should knock or not. When it sounded like she might be coming his way, he tried to quickly get away from her door before he was caught spying. In the process, he knocked over a small flower pot that landed with a crash. 
"Shit," he sighed. This is what I get for creeping around her door.
He was able to save the plant but would need to replace the pot. He walked inside and down the stairs for a broom, and when he came out to sweep up the mess, Stevie was standing on the balcony with a look of delight on her face. He stopped at the door and watched the happiness on her face as she looked at what he'd done. The expression on her face was exactly what he'd hoped to see. 
He put the dustpan and broom down and went back for the vase of flowers he'd picked for her. Lindsey shyly walked outside with the bouquet, holding it out to her. He felt like a teenager bringing a corsage to his prom date. He'd made an effort not to do anything that crossed the boundaries she'd requested and hoped this wasn't too much. 
She was beaming at him and he quickly looked up and caught her eye, smiled down at his feet before stealing another quick glimpse. After all these years, he still felt shy around her at times. "These are for you," he told her. 
Her smile became even wider. "Lindsey! They're beautiful. I can't believe you did all of this! It looks so magical!"
"I'm glad you like it," he told her. "Want me to put these flowers in your room for you?" Lindsey asked of the big, colorful bouquet. 
"Put them here for now. I want to enjoy them," she gestured to the small table between the chairs where the small flowerpot had once been. He set them on the table and held the chair steady for her to sit down. 
"Want a glass of wine?" he offered. 
"Oooh! That would be lovely. But you've already gone to so much trouble. Just have a seat and enjoy your handiwork!" 
"That's okay. I'd like a glass if you'll join me. I'll be right back," and he walked downstairs. Smiling widely as he entered the kitchen, he nodded to the crew and his bandmates but offered no explanation. He was back upstairs with the bottle, glasses, and a corkscrew in no time. 
"This is that red you like, isn't it?" he asked, showing her the bottle. 
She smiled and nodded. He really was so considerate. 
He poured them both a glass and took a seat beside her. They sat in silence as the sun disappeared completely, and the lights Lindsey had hung illuminated the balcony in a warm glow. Stevie spun the vase around to see all of the various flowers Lindsey had picked, the smile never leaving her face.
"Thank you, Linds," she said appreciatively. She had felt so loved all week long. She had asked him to let her go. And he hadn't done it, but he hadn't tried to hold onto her either. He'd just been there when she needed him, asking nothing of her. 
She was struggling with how she felt. On the one hand, she wanted him to allow her to move on. But she didn't want him to move on. Not if she was honest with herself. His attentiveness this week hadn't been accompanied by any pressure to be anything other than her friend. And while she loved him even more for it, she genuinely hated it. 
She found herself looking forward to having her toes taped, for heaven's sake. And that was painful and didn't need to be done nearly as often as they did it. But it was the only real physical contact they'd had, and she needed him to touch her, as painful as it was to admit.
She wanted a happy life with someone who loved her, but she didn't want to share that person. And she would always have to share Lindsey. It was that simple, she reminded herself.
They finished their wine in silence, occasionally giving each other a sidelong glance and a smile. Lindsey topped off their glasses and rested his hand on the armrest closest to hers. He was happily surprised when he felt the weight and warmth of her hand atop his. He turned his hand over to hold hers and, without thinking, brought it to his lips. 
He quickly moved them away and simply shrugged and said, "Sorry. Muscle memory." 
She smiled, pulled his hand to her lips, and kissed it softly. "Muscle memory," she whispered, her warm brown eyes staring into his blue ones. She could feel the heat growing between them. They were back in that place where they'd been a million times before. Wanting each other and letting the other see it. 
He ran his thumb over her lips, and she kissed it as it did, her eyes not leaving his. They were going to kiss soon. They both knew it. She leaned on her armrest, bringing herself closer to him, waiting for him to meet her. He slowly began to lean closer to her, his free hand finding its way beneath her soft waves to her neck. 
The touch of his fingertips against her skin gave her chills. It had been too long. Why had she ever wanted to hold back? As Lindsey slowly leaned toward her, the unmistakable sound of her telephone ringing came from inside her room. 
She felt Lindsey stiffen before he pulled away. She was going to let it ring. She tried to pull Lindsey back closer to her, but by now, he was avoiding her eyes. She watched as he polished off the rest of his wine. Unsure what to do, she rose and hobbled off to her room to answer the phone. 
She spoke quietly into the receiver. Ben was on the other end, happy to hear her voice and ready to firm up the weekend's plans. He was blissfully ignorant of the fact that she was this minute watching Lindsey longingly from her bedroom window as he stood to sweep the mess he'd made earlier. Their sweet moment over.
She sighed. As much as she'd loved the time she and Ben had been spending together, her feelings for him weren't as concrete as the ones she had for Lindsey. He was out of sight and mostly out of mind. 
As she thought about this, she knew that she needed to see him. She needed to remind herself of their connection. Maybe it would erase her feelings toward Lindsey before she let what could potentially be a good thing go.