i don't smoke

                                    

                                          

'if you need to be mean,
be mean to me.'
☆ mitski

                            

                                
                            
                              
                                  
                              
                              
                                
                                  
                                  
                                
                              
                             
                            
                            
                          
                          
THE ALARM ON THE BEDSIDE TABLE RUNG BUT I WAS ALREADY AWAKE. Turning it off, I've been awake for a few hours, unable to fall asleep from the previous events that occurred a few days back. 
I knew Sero, it was undeniably impossible that he was a murderer yet there was a small part in me that thought otherwise, a thought that arised without my own will. And whenever I had that thought, I was disgusted in myself for even thinking about such bullshit.  
The short holidays came to an end and school started once more, although I dreaded the idea of leaving the comfort of my bed and my thoughts. I scurried out of the room, fixing my skirt and slung my school bag over my shoulder. I didn't know if it was my bag that was weighing me down or the heavy feeling on my chest. I walked alone, taking unnoticeable glances to my surroundings, hoping that a tall black haired boy would suddenly appear before me. 
I inaudibly sighed and his mother's words flashed in my mind. Some fragments of Sero's life that I've been trying to figure out this whole time began to piece together bit by bit yet I never got the full picture. Putting aside his little sister, I wanted to punch his family in the face. The uncomfortable dinner and the uneasy feeling in the air, the dagger-liked stares glaring into Sero and I hated that inability of not being able to do anything about it. 
Sero's life was still unknown to me. His parents seemed to detest him but something was telling me that wasn't the sole reason for why he randomly decided to change on a random Tuesday night. 
I entered Class 1-A and a few people were already sitting there. I gave small waves at my friends and greetings to my classmates before plopping down into my designated seat. Nothing could get my mind off Sero. Not even when Mina randomly declared a rap battle at lunch.
The hours ticked by and Sero was nowhere to be found. He didn't come to school today. It was expected, I didn't want to get my hopes up but some part of me still clung onto that anticipation.
Not until last period. 
Class with Present Mic always excited me and made me laugh. His loud voice that would always echo throughout the hallways and he always had an abnormal accent, talking about abnormal things. But today, not even Present Mic's cheerfulness could shake off the heavy feeling weighing me down.
As the teacher was about to speak, the door flung open, catching everybody's attention. My head stayed down, not affected by the disruption and continued to jot down notes. I heard a series of gasps as Present Mic told the student to sit down and that he'll have a chat with him after class.