✿ 𝘊𝘺𝘯𝘰 & 𝘛𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘪: 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘉𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘉𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘏𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 {𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘛𝘸𝘰}

                                    

                                          
⚠️ ~ TW: Mention of suicide and self-harm.
Fanart credits: @0waff537 on X.
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I froze for a bit, but I didn't seem to be surprised or shocked. I was disappointed but not surprised. I saw this coming, yet I refused to believe it. It was almost as if I knew that I would receive such a diagnosis.
And I did. I knew that I must be depressed, but I came hoping for any other diagnosis. 
The words hit me harder than I expected. Depression... It was not something I could fight off with sheer willpower. I felt a mixture of relief and fear: relief because there was a name for what I was going through, and fear because it meant confronting my vulnerabilities head-on.
"But... I'm the General Mahamatra," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "How can I lead my men if I can't even handle my own mind?" I then moved my knees closer to my chest, as if hugging myself. I didn't know what I was feeling at that moment, but I absolutely dreaded it. It was a powerful mixture of vulnerability and raw frustration. I felt far from being a general in that moment—so exposed and seen.
Tighnari stepped closer, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Cyno, seeking help is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength. You don't have to go through this alone. We'll find a way to manage this together."
His words were a lifeline in the storm of my emotions. I nodded slowly, realizing that acknowledging my problems was the first step towards healing. And with Tighnari by my side, I knew I could face whatever lay ahead.
But still... what was this feeling? Why did I feel like it was too late for me to be saved?
"Depression, huh?" I muttered, a tiny sigh escaping me as if I wasn't fazed by my diagnosis. Remaining seated on the medical table, I met Tighnari's gaze with softened eyes, my legs still held close to my chest.
"I read some books, hoping to find a physical diagnosis, but my symptoms seemed to point towards depression. I was hoping you would dismiss my condition as some sort of illness... maybe to reassure me a bit."
Tighnari's heart must have ached as he listened. He knew I had been struggling, and it was clear that I was still trying to deny and downplay the severity of my condition.
"I wish I could," Tighnari said softly, his voice filled with sincere regret, "but I can't dismiss your struggles, Cyno. It wouldn't be fair to you, and it wouldn't help you get better."
My expression softened. I knew Tighnari was right. He couldn't just lie to me and tell me what I wanted to hear.
I looked away, keeping my head low and gaze on the ground. My body language seemed closed and distant, as if wanting to isolate myself by being emotionally withdrawn and reserved.
That must have worried Tighnari even more, and I hated myself for it. Why couldn't I just tell him what was going on? We were friends. Why didn't I open up to him earlier than now? Why couldn't I swallow my pride and tell him about how merciless the past month had been? Maybe then I would have had the chance to stop this numbness from gnawing at my heart, leaving me alone to recollect the pieces of my dead heart.
Tighnari sighed, letting his hand move to my shoulder, and I felt his fingers rubbing reassuring circles against it. I also noticed his hesitation. He seemed like he needed to say something, uncertain whether to let the words linger in the air or in the midst of sorrow.
"May I ask you a question?" he finally spoke, his voice as soft as ever.
I lifted my head to meet Tighnari's gentle gaze. I stared at him for a bit before lightly nodding my head and adjusting my clothing to feel just a bit more comfortable.