Chapter 52

                                    

                                          
This whole chapter will be focused on Yoongi and his guilt.
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"Ahhhhhhhhhhh" Yoongi screamed as he started to destroy everything in his study room. He threw his laptop on floor, broke the vase, flip the table. He took the baseball bat which was in room and broke the windows, TV screen. In short he destroyed his whole study room in anger. The anger and hate which was direct towards himself. 
Thankfully every room in the mansion is soundproof so no one could hear anything.
After sometime Tae and Kook came to study room as they knew Yoongi is in need of emotional support. 
"Hyung?" Tae called out as the room was dark with only moonlight entering through windows.
Jungkook turned on the lights and both gasped in shock seeing the mess
looked like some storm had come. They look around and finally found Yoongi in a corner sitting on floor with back against wall. His cheeks were dark red and swollen...red eyes...dishevelled hair...he looked almost lifeless. But what terrified them was Yoongi's palm which was tightly fisted with blood dripping from it.
"Hyung" Jk shouted as he and tae went to Yoongi 
Both gasped in shock as Jungkook forced Yoongi to open his palm. In Yoongi's palm there was broken pieces of glass which he had fisted tightly in his palms. Some pieces were stucked in his skin deeply.
"H-hyung stand up...lets..lets go in room" Taehyung said as he helped Yoongi to stand up. Yoongi let them do whatever they want as he was not in his right mind.
They took Yoongi to his room and made him sit on couch after closing the door.
"Tae hyung...pl..plz give me...first aid" Jungkook said and tae immediately rushed to get first aid box.
Jungkook carefully took out glass pieces from Yoongi's palm and then clean his wound bandaging it. Yoongi didn't even hissed even when his wounds were so deep and it was obviously painful.
"Hyung?" Tae said as Yoongi was murmuring something inaudible 
"I killed her. I killed my baby tae. I killed an innocent soul who wasn't even born. How can I do this? I am so bad father kook. I don't even have the right to be called father. I am not human...I am monster...monster that took life of his own child." Yoongi was rambling while staring at nothing. Taekook's heart broke hearing Yoongi.
"Hyung your cheeks are swollen...i will bring ice packs" tae said but Yoongi immediately snapped.
"NO...don't. Its my punishment. Let it be like that I deserve it. I deserve more than this. This is my punishment for being bad husband, bad father, bad person. Its nothing infront of what Hoseok went through" Yoongi countinued rambling 
Taekook broke into tears seeing their hyung's state. They can't even imagine the pain Yoongi and Hoseok are going through. Ofcourse they are very angry on Yoongi and want nothing but to punch him for the things he did. But they also know that he is regretting very badly...from the day he got to know the truth he has been crying and crying. His hate for himself is growing only. Even his health is getting detoriate beacuse of that but Yoongi isn't caring about it.
"Hyung calm down plz. " Jungkook pleaded but it didn't work.
"How can I calm down?" Yoongi shouted while shooting up from couch. 
"How can I calm down after knowing I killed my own blood? How can I calm down after snatching a daughter from her mother? Wasn't the pain I gave to Hoseok was enough that I had to took away his baby?" His one hand was on his waist while other ran into his hair.
"You know I was so fucking proud of myself..huh..I..I thought I was a perfect man who is always right. Who never does anything to regret later." He let out a sarcastic laugh and then faced Taekook.
"But...but I was wrong tae...I was so fucking wrong. I am nowhere near even good. I broke the pure soul who knew nothing but to spread love. I..I hated him for something he never did. I called him so many names...abused him and took away his child. I was so full of myself that I didn't realise how much damage I am causing to a pure boy whose heart was already damaged." Yoongi broke in tears and stumbled back sliding down the wall.
"You know I...I saw the marks on his body when we used to get intimate...but I never bothered to ask him about it as I just wanted pleasure from him. I noticed his broken state but never cared to ask. Even when I got to know about Minseok I only blamed him and took his son away. But the thing I didn't realise that why would he tell me about my son after whatever i did!? Why would he tell me when I was the one who left suddenly without leaving any means to contact!? He did the thing which any parent would have done to keep their child safe."
"Hyung plz don't cry" tae and kook moved to Yoongi who was sobbing very badly remiscing the past. The guilt was eating him and he felt like to die then and there. 
"He had to work when he was pregnant tae. He had to do 3 jobs a day for our son's surgery. He had to bear that Suho because of it. Minseok had to live a life without his father. He had to crave for his appa. And Hoseok..what a pure soul he is that he didn't even told Minseok about his appa's real side just to keep Minseok away from any kind of hatred. I kept saying I am his father I have the right...but I didn't do anything for him. I wasn't there for him when he needed his appa. I wasn't there when he was born. I wasn't there when he took his first step, when he said his first word. I wasn't there when he was admitted to hospital. I..I wasn't there when he used  be scared of medicines, injections and hospital. I was busy fucking strangers and partying when my son was in hospital and my husband was working his ass off. Neither I was there for Minseok and nor for Hoseok" Yoongi broke completely and wailed loudly. He was having difficultly in breathing due to so much crying.
Jungkook took him in hug to comfort him. "I am feeling like to die kookie. I want my daughter back. I want my Hoseok. I..I want to go back in time and...and knock some sense in myself. Why I had to do that? Why I had to cause so much pain to my love? Why I didn't hear Hoseok's side? Why I had to be such an asshole? WHY? WHY? WHY?" Yoongi cried loudly while hugging Kookie and fisting his shirt tightly. Taehyung also sat beside Yoongi patting his back comfortingly.
Yoongi didn't cry this much even when his parents and grandma died. He cried and cried pouring out his anger, guilt, regret everything. Finally at nearly 4am he slept being tired.
To be continued...

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I tried my best to write down Yoongi's feelings in words. Sorry if it didn't reach your expectations.🙃