{How can I?}

                                    

                                          

                            

                                
                            
                              
                                  
                              
                              
                                
                                  
                                  
                                
                              
                             
                            
                            
                          
                          
Damn it!
I can't. I can't. I can't
Shit! This is so frustrating! I am so done. I just can't now.
How can I? Why can't he understand that I can't marry Hiba? And why Hiba of all the girls?
Somewhere in my heart, i feel that i should, i should marry Hiba for the sake of my princess. But what about me?
Am I not allowed to keep myself happy? Am I not allowed to think about myself? Am I not allowed to think about myself, too?
FLASHBACK:
It was Sunday, so I took a nap after zohar with Noor.
Suddenly, the door flew open, and Abba entered the room.
It broke my sleep, and upon seeing Abba, I stood up. Noor is still sleeping peacefully on the bed beside me.
"I have something to talk to you. Come out, " he said and left.
I looked at Noor and smiled. I pat her head and pull the blanket till her neck and walk out.
As I entered the loving room, I saw Ammi, Abba, and Bhaijaan sitting on the sofa together. Okay, this is definitely something serious otherwise Bhaijaan wouldn't  have left his bed.
I sat in front of them silently. 
"Ji abba. Kuch batana tha na aapko? I asked him and Ammi and Bhaijaan looked at me with soft eyes.
(Yes Abba. You wanted to tell me something?)
"Ek hafte baad shaddi hai teri. Ladki bohot acchi hai aur tu usko janta bhi hai" he said and I felt the ground slipped away. How can he?
(After a week, your wedding will take place. The girl is very nice and you know her too)
I looked at Ammi with wide eyes and saw tears in her eyes. I looked at Bhaijaan and he remained his poker face. I take a deep breath and calm down.
"Who is the girl Abba? And who the hell gave you the right to take my decisions?" I asked him in a calm voice. My eyes were filled with tears on the mere thought of being with someone else than my Umaima.
"I am your Abba so I can take your decision. And the girl is.......Hiba" he said and my heart skipped a beat. Hiba? Noor's tutor? That poor innocent girl? Why? Why her?
Somewhere in my heart I felt relived that it's Hiba and not some random girl. But what about Umaima? I swore to myself that I won't marry again and never look at another girl. But what now? 
"D-did she agree?" I curled my fingers tightly in a fist to control my tears from falling.
"Yes. She is ready" he answered and I closed my eyes leaning back on the sofa.
No, she did not agree. It's not her choice. I know. She is forced into this as well. But I won't let it happen. I will save her and myself too.
"I won't marry her" I said looking in his eyes.
"Okay. Then be ready to send Noor to the orphange" he said and in a blink of eye I held his collar. Ammi trying to stop me but Bhaijaan was smiling.
"Mizan calm down beta its okay. It'll be alright" Ammi said trying to calm me down. I know she is definitely against this decision.
"What the fuck did you say?" I asked him, ignoring Ammi. My voice dangerously scary.
"Lower you voice Mizan. Baap hu tera. Ya to shaddi kar ya to Noor jayegi orphanage. Ab teri marzi hai. Aur ha orphanage ka form mere pass hi hai, to mujhe to ek minute nahi lagega tujhse usse door karne ke liye" he said smiling like a psyco. I pushed him and left the living room and went inside my room.
(I am you dad. Either get married or else Noor will be going to the orphange. Now the choice is yours. And yes, the form of the orphange is with me only, so it won't take a minute for me to separate you both)
FLASHBACK ENDS:
In the corner of my room, hugging my knees, crying my life out without making any noise so I don't wake Noor up.
Ya Allah, what should I do? 
Suddenly Noor woke up and came towards me. I quickly wipe my tears and looked at her.
"Abba.." she said in her sleepy voice and my eyes filled with tears again.
I pull her on my lap and hugged her tightly. My tears wetten her clothes. She broke the hug and looked into my eyes.
"Why are you crying Abba?" She asked me wiping my tears with her warm and tiny hands.
"Noor....aapko Ammi cahiye?" I asked her and she stopped her hands which were wiping my tears.
(Noor.....do you want a mom?)
"Ammi? What is Ammi?"
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Mizan,Noor and Hiba all are suffering 😫 
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