CHAPTER FIVE

                                    

                                          
I recommend listening to a sad playlist while reading, it really helps with the vibe (imo) !!
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Mia and Charlotte retreated to the bedroom, pulling on some comfortable silk clothes and resting under the covers. Charlotte watched in absolute silence as Mia's eyes drifted off, out past their window and towards the moon, its white glow illuminating her ocean blue eyes in a magical way. It was nights like these when small strips of soft moonlight slipped onto Mia's pretty features that made Charlotte realise how beautiful her girlfriend was. She truly was lucky. 
Out of the corner of her eye, Mia caught Charlotte admiring her and couldn't help but allow a small smile to dance on her lips. She turned her head, locking eyes with her girlfriend, then immediately looking down again. She had buried her emotions for so many years that it felt weird to be able to dig them back up again - bring back that old part of her that still cared what other people think. She felt vulnerable as the words slipped out of her mouth and Charlotte's gaze turned upon her, but her girlfriend had a certain aura that made her feel protected; cared for and loved for - something she had been starved of for so many years.
"I wanted to talk to you..about my dad and Roger." Mia gulped, looking up and smiling at Charlotte, their eyes locking but her mind elsewhere, "I think you have the right to know."
Charlotte rested on her elbows, smiling as she gingerly brushed a strand of red hair out of her girlfriend's face, "Are you sure, my love? If you do, I'll listen and I'll listen well. If you don't, then consider that fine too. I love you." 
 
Mia smiled warmly, feeling a pit of sadness form in her stomach as the words she so desperately wanted to say got caught in her mouth. Charlotte opened her arms, letting Mia fall into them as the redhead embraced her, heat radiating through them as their heart rates calmed. She laid her head on Charlotte's chest, her heart thumping beneath her ear.
"The night my dad left, something changed inside of me. I lost that sweet and happy little girl I once was, maybe because it was my dad who had taught me how to be so loving. Once he had gone, there was no more words of encouragement to be said, so I just fell into a hole of devoting my life to find him." Mia swallowed down the cry she was feeling in her dry throat and continued, "I think that maybe I thought that if I could find him, then maybe I'd find that lost part of myself too." 
Charlotte listened as the words seeped out of her girlfriend's mouth, stinging her eyes with tears. She thought about Mia, a child who deserved the whole world, yet it was the whole world that snatched everything away from her. 
"I've tried to make myself feel numb these past 20 years to maybe make Roger's deeds easier, but my acting has become a reality and now I don't feel anything at all." Mia said quietly, before smirking mischievously and looking up at Char, "Except my love for you, obviously." 
Charlotte felt a warm smile dance along her face as her rosy cheeks deepened in colour, playfully hitting Mia around the head lightly. Her voice grew more serious as she raised her girlfriend's chin slightly to look up at her; "Do you mind if I ask you something?" 
"Anything." Mia smiled, locking her own pupils with Charlotte's ocean eyes, immediately being swallowed in a sense of comfort and reassurance.
"When was the last time you cried? Or let out any emotion?" She asked, encouraging Mia to speak further. The older woman laughed: 
"Sweetheart, whenever I get even the slightest bit mad, I absolutely toil that person's car, and you know it." 
A lighthearted laugh echoed from Char's chest as she shook her head. 
"You know what I mean, silly. Anything other than rage." Charlotte's tone deepened in seriousness, but simultaneously growing more affectionate as she ran her fingers through her girlfriend's hair. 
Mia pondered on it briefly, smiling slightly at Char's gesture before zoning out again. Come to think of it, she couldn't remember the last time she had cried. 
"I don't remember." Mia replied quietly, her fierce demeanour wavering slightly, "I know I definitely cried the night of prom when I realised how my life was going to turn out. Maybe a few small tears here and there throughout but nothing I would consider properly letting out emotion." 
Charlotte's face dropped as she pulled Mia close to her chest. "Oh god, Mia.." she felt sadness pricking at the back of her eyes but she swallowed them down, "Do you know how bad that is?" 
Mia didn't respond, one hand fiddling around with Charlotte's heart necklace, her own matching piece of jewellery wrapped around her neck. 
"Mia, the whole reason we cry is to let out our emotions so we don't bottle it up and end up doing something stupid." Charlotte raised Mia's chin again, speaking softly. "Like.." 
"Like totalling people's cars." Mia grinned, feeling the sadness die inside her as she got distracted by her own humour. 
Charlotte rolled her eyes lightly, "Amelia, I'm trying to be serious." She smiled, planting a kiss on the redhead's forehead. 
Again, Mia was met with that same feeling. She wasn't sure what it was - she just knew it was bad and couldn't escape, no matter how hard she tried to let it out. It was like the key to the lock of her emotions had rusted away and was no longer useable. Her feelings were trapped.
"I don't think I can cry anymore. It's almost as though it's impossible." Mia whispered, sighing closer into Charlotte's chest, her hands becoming more agitated with the stress. Char's necklace was now tightly wrapped around her fingers, the top of them fading into a light blue. 
"Oh, Mia, I-" Charlotte pulled the redhead closer, gasping as she looked at her hand, "Mia! Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself." 
She widely unwrapped the chain and held Mia's hand in her own, before kissing her head again and sighing. 
Mia remained silent. She wasn't used to being so vulnerable and words seemed impossible right now. Charlotte recognised her quiet silence and pulled her closer to her chest. 
"We should get some sleep my love." she smiled, "You don't have to speak about it anymore, if you don't want to." 
Mia nods. Before she can stop herself, she blurts out a sentence, her words fresh yet broken, "He used to hurt me." 
Charlotte turns her head, gasping slightly with a look of concern in her eyes, "What? Who?" 
"Roger." Mia mumbled, fiddling with Charlotte's necklace again, "He used to hit or slap me when I refused to do something or did it wrong. Being recently starved of having a father figure and him being the only male I really knew, he used that against me. He used to say he'd walk away just like my dad did." 
Charlotte hummed as Mia gulped, letting her know that she was listening. "When I made a mistake, he'd tell me that I was useless and that was really the reason my dad left. I know now what he was saying was stupid, but I was a child then. I didn't know any different." 
Charlotte felt the tears coarse down her cheeks. She was unsure why she was crying, but she knew it was right. She lifted Mia's chin up from her chest, looking her in the eyes before wiping her eyes and kissing her. Their eyes fluttered closed, each feeling loved.
And for the first time in 20 years, Mia cried. 
- - - 
hi my loves!! I'm so sorry this took over ten days to come out - I physically didn't have the motivation to write anything. 
I tried to portray Mia as much as I could; the way that she never lets anyone see her fall apart. I think in this chapter, it shows Mia healing while helping Charlotte repair herself too. 
I was also listening to a playlist while writing this, which helped me put some emotion into it :)
I'll try and write the next chapter quicker. 
Have a good day!! 💓