was he just there?

                                    

                                          
i gasp, and immediately swing the knife behind me.
nothing was there.
nope, nope, fuck no.

my hands sweat, i drop the knife onto the floor and run out of my room. i look back behind me, nobody's there. i needed a quick double take.

is this what going crazy feels like?
and yes, that voice did sound familiar.
like someone i know.
like...
bill.

no.
nope.
i'm not doing that 'was he just there?' bullshit.

i'm trying so hard just to get myself together as i burst through my door. luckily, my car keys are in my pocket. i'd go to gustav's dorm right now, tell him about it.
but i can't.
i need to detach from that man, he's probably sick and tired of my constant squabbling.

i don't even try to sneak out the dorm complex, i just want to get somewhere. somewhere far away from this crappy school. if i had one wish, i'd wish to never be sent here. i hate it here. i get in my car, immediately blasting my music.
my voice doesn't trail along with the lyrics like it usually does. i just can't. i'm surprised i didn't get wet from the fall of rain, it's pretty heavy.
the clouds are grey, and no doubt - they're going to get darker.

that's how it is in this little town. the sky is either really dark blue, or just grey to black. it was depressing. that's why i enjoy the sunsets as much as i can here. weirdly enough, sunsets happen occasionally. like it's set on a calendar of when they happen, but i'm not complaining. it's basically the only fraction of sunlight i see every other day - sunrise doesn't even happen. the sky just gets slightly lighter, fading into dark blue from it's original black state.

it begins to storm, this was a shitty time to go for a drive. but what else can i do? i'm not going to stay in my room where some presence just whispered, 'i love you.' into my ear.
i don't know where to go. i never do.
but then again, this town is so small. i never explore it.

i'll go for a little drive then.

~

it's been an hour.

i've completely been circling around.
i wasn't joking when i said there was nowhere to go.
listening to mars argo and circling around this little town didn't help.
it made me gaslight myself into thinking i was crazy.

but don't worry, i know how to snap myself out of it.
it's 2 pm - yet it looks like 5-6 pm. i sigh, having to go back to school. that's not bad though, school ends in an hour so, i'll probably get off with skipping.

i eventually pull up in the parking lot, the rain getting a lot lighter. thank you rain for stopping, just for me.
i step out, closing the door. i look at the little raindrops dripping down my car, and it gives me a strange sense of relief. i put my fingers on one of them, my fingertips now wet as i just slid it off.

i step inside the school, it's like the only light source we have in this little town. yet, it's still timid to walk through. it kind of looks like an abandoned school full of know-it-all guys who are full of themselves and have an ego bigger than their balls, and depressed girls who doll them up to give head to said 'men.' none of the guys in this school are men though, they're all boys.
every single one of them.

there's some who qualify, though.

instead of going back to my dorm, i decide to walk through the halls.
what are the teachers going to do? get me in trouble?
they can't. it's already last period, there's nothing they can do.

suddenly, i feel a light rub on my shoulder.

i turn back, 'get the fuck away from me!'
'relax, delilah. i knew i'd scare you.'
relief washes through me, the man i'm staring directly at - it's just gustav.
i scoff and roll my eyes, 'then why'd you do it?'
'where have you been?' gustav asks, completely dodging my question.
i cross my arms, 'none of your business.'
'how could you even tell i was gone?'
'because, tom was complaining that you were skipping just because you didn't want to do the biology project with him.'
'ever since when did he care about a project?'
'i ask myself AND him that same exact question, delilah.' gustav sighed, then smirked.
i smirked as well. i don't want to smirk. i want to be mysterious right now. but, around gustav, i just can't.
i then chuckle, 'maybe he's making an academic comeback?'
gustav raises his eyebrow in confusion, 'what's that?'
my smile drops.
'never mind.' he says as he sees my smile drop.
'anyway, why are you out of class?' i raise my eyebrow, now putting my hands on my hips.
he crosses his arms, 'i was just getting some stuff for my teacher.'
'oh yeah?' i keep my eyebrow raised, asking him in a, 'are you sure you're not lying' tone.
he nods, 'pretty much. yes. i'm not lying.'
i roll my eyes, my little grin still plastered on my face. the little smile still on his, as well.

'what are you guys doing?' someone calls out from behind gustav.
i don't pay attention, until gustav says their name.
'oh, hey bill.' gustav smiles, turning his whole body around to look at bill.
my head tilts up. i see bill. he's wearing a hoodie and black skinny jeans. i can see his black and platinum dreads falling from his shoulders.
his expression immediately drops as he sees me, causing gustav to look back at me.
the words slip out of my mouth.
'are you okay, bill?'
gustav raises his eyebrows, turning back to bill. bill looks surprised.
'oh yeah. i'm fine.' bill says in a reassuring tone, 'what about you, delilah? are you alright?'
i don't know why, but when bill asks if i'm alright, it feels like someones stabbing into my heart. even worse, i can't tell if it's a good kind of stab or a bad kind of stab.
i nod, 'yeah, no. i'm fine.'
i then gulp, 'you know...' i pull on the collar of my shirt, 'i'm sorry, bill.'

i apologize, expecting to get a reaction out of bill. something like, i forgive you. or, it's fine, just don't do it again. i don't know how people accept apologies since i don't hand much out.
his response... it shocked me.

'for what?' he tilts his head, acting confused.
'no way you don't remember, bill.' i push my head in a bit, 'i..'
gustav elbows me, 'maybe he's trying to forget? he forgets a lot of his problems.'
'ohh...' i say with an o-shaped mouth then talk again, 'don't worry bill. it's nothing.'
he scratches his neck, 'aah.. okay.'
i don't even notice how much i eavesdrop whilst bill and gustav start their conversation.
but i don't even care about the situation.
i only care about how bill's voice sounds.
his voice...

it sounds just like that strange person's voice saying, 'i love you.'
i know i'm not hallucinating.
i nudge gustav and whisper, 'i think the bell's going to ring soon, i need to get back to my dorm.'
he nods, but then stops me. 'wait, wait, wait...'
i turn around, 'yeah?'
'just stay at mine.'
i'm about to refuse, but then i remember...
that strange presence.
how could i forget about something that was just in the front of my mind?
i then nod, 'oh, yeah yeah.'

i walk upstairs up to gustav's dorm, opening the door. i walk to one of the nearby couches, then lay on it. i like how gustav doesn't mind when i'm in a bad angle, or lay on the couch.

he's a true friend.
i go on my phone and scroll through facebook for some time.

~
it's been a few hours.

gustav still isn't here.
i grow a bit worried, but as i'm scrolling through my contacts - i see his name.
ohh.
i forgot, i added him to my contacts.
i chuckle to myself, and ring him.
my ringtone lingers through the air, but then i hear the phone pick up.

'hello?' i hear his voice blare through the phone, even though he's not speaking that loud.
'where are you?' i kick my legs, laying on my stomach as my elbows rest on the armrest of his couch.
'oh, i'm coming right now.' i can hear him chuckle through the phone, making me chuckle as well.
'oh okay then. see you!'
'see you.'
i hang up, and before i know it - i'm laying on my back and kicking my legs like i used to when i was a little child.

why am i so happy?
why am i so happy because of him?
i don't like this feeling.

i hear the door open, luckily i've stopped being a dumbass and decided to sit up straight.
i smile and wave, 'hey.'
he smiles and waves back, 'hey.'
'were you really on that couch that whole time?' he laughs, walking over to the kitchen cupboard.
i stand him and follow him, 'maybe. so what if i did?'
he gives me a little teasing look like, 'i'd answer that, but i already know you have.'
we mutually chuckle, he pours his normal tea into his cup.
'hey, can i have some of that tea you gave me, earlier?' i rest my elbows on the kitchen counter.
'like what? that vervain tea?'
i nod.
he replies, 'alright, then.' i smile as he starts to prepare it, mixing the ingredients in together. i grab the mug, and drink some.

suddenly, a notification comes up from my phone.
'sorry, excuse me.' i say as i pull my phone out.
he reassures me, 'oh no it's fine. i have to catch up with some homework, anyway.' he goes and sits down on the couch, setting his mug onto the nearby coffee table.
i go and sit down on the couch as well.

'hey!'

i read, it's from 'kimberly.'
'hey.' i reply.
i mark who sends which message so it's easier for me to read.

'wyd?' - k
'nothing much... staying at a friends dorm.' - d

... , i see the chat bubble as they type.
'who?' - k

i feel like they're interrogating me, i don't like their tone.

'someone. you don't need to know, they're just a friend.' - d
'is it a boy?' - k

their text comes in like wildfire, almost immediately.

'you don't need to know.' - d
'anyway, what are you up to?' - d
'nothing ... just bored.' - k

suddenly, me and 'kimberly's' conversation gets cut off by gustav starting to talk.
'hey, who are you texting?'
'this person named kimberly, why?'

his smile drops.