part 1 - Friday, 5:30pm

                                    

                                          
Finally, Stray Kids had the day off, and all of the members, minus Chan, were out. Minho and Jisung went to a cat cafe, Changbin and Felix went on a park date, and Hyunjin went shopping with the remaining two maknaes. 
Chan stayed back, claiming he was going to work on beats or lyrics at the dorm. He had done that for a while, but then decided to check his socials and the feedback on his newer Instagram stories and posts. He quickly fell down the rabbit hole, reading the hundreds of hate comments. People suggested he start working out more, stop eating so much, and lose some weight. Others claimed that he was a bad leader, and that he was never going to be good enough for the others. 
He had noticed an influx of these types of responses on their recent SKZ CODE videos as well, and recently he'd been working himself even further into the ground, in hopes to be good enough for the others and for fans. It had started to take a toll on his health, mentally and physically, as he had been eating and sleeping less and less. Not that he hadn't tried to sleep, but as his stress increased, so did his struggles with insomnia. 
He also had a constant headache from his lack of slipping. He hadn't been little for a good three weeks, when typically the members tried to get him to slip once a week. Chan had just said he didn't need it, but in reality, his head pounded and his mind felt fuzzy. He shut his laptop and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He stared at himself in the mirror angrily. 
Why couldn't he be more attractive? Stays would like him much better if he was. He scowled and turned away from the mirror. Opening the cabinet next to the mirror, he found his razor blade. He hadn't used it in so long, and he'd promised Felix he'd never do it again. But despite the fact that he would severely disappoint his Aussie counterpart, desperate times call for desperate measures. 
So he dragged the blade across his wrist. 
—
Some time later, Chan was on the floor, his left arm and both legs covered in cuts. He dropped his head to his chest, and tears slipped out of his eyes. He blinked them away, and scrubbed his face with his right arm. When he opened his eyes again, it was terrifying. He saw the amount of blood around him, and panted in disbelief. He had done this to himself. 
His mind became fuzzier, and the headache pounded. Chan sobbed as he slipped deep into his little space. He couldn't do much but lay and cry. He just wanted it all to stop. Why did everything hurt so much?