It doesn't get better, no!

                                    

                                          
Monday, 6:30 AM, Germany.
Have you ever heard the definition of insanity?
The most known definition says that insanity is basically doing the same thing over and over again.
Every time, no matter what. The same thing. In a loop.
When I first heard this definition, I felt like it was a spit to my face. Because it sounds so simple.
Because it manages to describe my life from its beginning in only a few words.
This definition feels like an insult to me.
And insults hurt even more when we know they're true.
And it's true.
My life is the same thing over and over again, no matter what.
No matter where I am, no matter who I present myself as, no matter what commands I take.
It's been like this forever. Since I was born, I might even say.
School.
Boot camp.
US Army.
Here.
It's always the same bullshit, but in a different packing.
Sometimes I wish I won't wake up the next day.
But I always do.
"Wake up, sunshine, the Earth says hello!"
Fuck. I know that voice.
I opened my eyes, which I hoped I wouldn't have to do. But like I said, I always do, no matter how much I pray and cry and scowl.
And the first thing I see is the familiar face of my teammate, because we're not quite friends yet, Julius.
I met Julius a few months ago, he's been there longer than me. Despite the months of great teamwork with him, I wouldn't call him my friend. Not because we don't get along on a personal level, no, it's rather that... we never get into personal stuff. A strictly work relationship. I like it that way, actually. He does too, I assume. Yet, sometimes I catch myself being nosy and I wish he could slip a fact or two about what he does after work hours or who even is he. We still share a friendly banter between each other, though.
I let out a low grumble as I snapped out of my thoughts, the blonde man eyeing me up and down in my worst state.
"Really, get your ass up. I'm not waking you up because I felt like doing so."
he said, taking a puff from the cigarette he was holding.
"Hm? As in?"
"As in the colonel sent me, geniuszu. You seem to forget that he remembers every detail... that psycho has your clock alarms remembered. He knows you have it set at 6:05 everyday, and it's 6:30, so he told me to come wake you up."
"Fuck, 6:30 already?"
"Yeah? You're getting your ass soooo beaten because of that, you know?"
I groan when I hear these words, mostly because I already can imagine the punishment I'm going to get. The colonel doesn't stop on a simple lecture, nah, he would never.
Despite the pang of nervousness I felt in my chest when the realization of my oversleeping hit me, I still had trouble getting out of bed. I looked down at my sheets, wondering if I even wanted to move them aside.
I mean, I know I have to. And I will move them aside. I just wish I wouldn't have to.
"By the way, Claire's coming back today."
My heart jumped when I heard Julius say these words.
"What!?"
I exclaimed, and all my previous thoughts went down the drain as I jumped out of bed immediately, my loose shirt with Mindless Self Indulgence logo on it almost showing my bare chest.
"Yeah, she called me today. They were supposed to come back next week, but the mission went more smoothly than they thought it would."
I felt myself waking up immediately as I processed this information.
The Claire girl that Julius was talking about?
Oh, boy.
Where do I even start?
She's my muse.
I'm the Little Prince and she's my rose.
I'm the Beast and she's my Beauty.
I'm the moon and she's the sun.
I'm Kafka and she's Milena... no, scratch that part actually. We have a guy with the nickname "Kafka" working here and I'm not particularly fond of him.
What I'm getting at, is despite my age of 24, I am completely head over heels about that woman.
She appeared in my life also just a few months ago, but every time I see her, I feel my heart beating faster, my smile getting wider and my cheeks getting redder.
She could fix me, man.
I could fix her.
"That's one way to get you out of bed, huh?"
Julius chuckled, taking a few slow steps after me as I immediately rushed into the bathroom to get myself ready for the day.
"B-but, why did she call you and not me too? I gave her my number the last time we talked..."
"Uhh, maybe because I know her longer than you do? I dunno, maybe she forgot to add your number? She's a busy woman, ya know. Może nie ma czasu na takich debili jak ty."
Julius said something in his native language at the end, and I assume it wasn't anything friendly, considering he only speaks his language when he wants to insult someone.
"I hope... I just really appreciate her company, ya know?... Last time when she asked me about what I used to do before the military, she smiled so warmly at me when I told her about my art and..."
"Yeah, I know, you like her. So you better present yourself nicely, get yourself dressed. C'mon, you already overslept."
I went through my morning routine pretty smoothly, and before I could realize, I was already closing the door from my room as Julius stood by my side.
I turned around and was greeted by the sight of grey walls in the hallway, along with the big window that offered me a different sight, one of shitty summer weather that I absolutely hated.
"So, before we go anywhere, I think that-"
Julius was cut off by a high-pitched male voice that I immediately recognized.
"Oooh, there you are, mate! Though you decided to ditch us today, haha."
Fuck. That's the only thing I could think of when I knew who was talking to me.
"Yeah, that was what I was trying to say. Have a nice talk, I will be waiting for you outside."
And so, Julius walked away.
And it was just me and him.
"Come with me for a bit, buddy."
The albino man said.