44. Love Is Violence

                                    

                                          
"If you loved me once before
Could you love me once again?
Say that I'm a bitter man
But I was still a friend
Help me understand
Why I lose in the end"
Author's note: Just a quick notice. This chapter contains some R-rated writing. More so than usual I think. If you are uncomfortable with that, skip to the chapter's end. 
𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 44: 𝕷𝡣𝖛𝖊 𝖎𝖘 𝖁𝖎𝡣𝖑𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊
-I have missed you... It felt like forever.- The feel of his hand caressing my skin as his voice got lost at the nape of my neck made me surpass a moan. I struggle to resist, to stay true to myself yet my resorts are melting under his touch, his voice... It's making me dizzy, weak. 
-Did you? Truly?- A shadow of a doubt is there. The one I want to ignore, it's fading, but it's still there. 
-Of course! I missed holding you. I missed your beautiful face, that little sigh you do when I first enter you... I miss the feel of you, of me in you. God, Violet, I will go crazy.- As if to prove his point his grip on my tight became urgent and rough and his lips ascended on mine in a hurry. The surface of a couch is uncomfortable under me but even that can be ignored. It's not like I anticipated this situation. Sex was off the table. It may still be if I can resist. 
-Easy, maybe we shouldn't...- My voice is coming out breathless, Nicholas's weight heavy over me, crushing me under his prominent build. His hips are pressed between my legs, making me ache for our clothes to disappear. I would be a hypocrite if I said I don't want this. It has been a while since we... 
-But I want you. I need to feel you. Tell me you didn't miss me, tell me you didn't miss us together?- His hand shifted from my hip to my breast before he roughly squeezed it and brushed my nipple with his thumb. 
-Ah... You know I did. I missed this... But...- My thoughts are getting clouded. The way his lips are molding into the skin of my neck is driving me insane. His kisses are all over me, needy and urgent then soft and loving as he kissed my cheek and the spot at the corner of my eye. It made me feel strangely warm. 
His erection pressed more against me, rubbing me in all the right places. When I couldn't help myself but return the gesture, my hips moving on their own to bring more friction between us and Nicholas let out a groan. A hand pinched my nipple making a desperate sigh of my own leave my lips.
-You are not playing fair, Violet. You can't... You can't say we shouldn't do this and look as tempting as you do. That blush on your face is killing me. Your lips are killing me. The way you are looking at me is killing me.- To demonstrate his words Nicholas's lips met mine, at first only to bite me, to show me his frustration but a second later it became a desperation to taste more of me. 
I can barely breathe. In between the kisses I am struggling to catch my breath. Our hands are hasty as we grasp for each other. 
The sounds are too loud for my small apartment yet I can only hear them as in some haze. My breathing, his, the smacking noise of our lips, occasional moan and groan... We are lost. With parted lips I accepted his tongue, both of us stroking with dominance. 
His hips are grinding into me, my thighs quickly wrapping around him, bringing him closer. It's insane how much I want to slip out of my shorts and T-shirt and just feel him bare. I know it will be good, It always was. But... What if this is all we are? Without sex, there is nothing to us. I want him to want me. All of me. With or without sex. As a partner. Also, if he keeps getting what he wants from me, will he truly choose to divorce? It's a petty thought, I know. I should be confident, I should trust him. However, something is telling me that I should learn how to play.