Chapter 17 | | Trust

                                    

                                          

SUZUNE's POV
I ran.
So, so fast.
Colours were spinning in my vision, my breathing got heavier and my heart kept stammering. I banged on the door in front of me multiple times until she answered.
"Suzune?" Kei asked, immediately bringing me inside, worried for my well-being. My knees gave out and I crumpled to the floor, trying to breathe properly but I just couldn't.
"I can't breathe." Tears cascaded down my face, my thoughts filled with despair. Was I having a panic attack? My fingers trembled. I hadn't had a panic attack in years.
"It's okay." Kei brought me into her arms and hugged me tightly, "Let it all out girl. Deep breath in, long exhale."  Her arms comforted me as I stupidly let tears stain her shirt, following her orders on breathing.
I couldn't stop replaying that moment over and over and over again.
Her lips on his, his on hers. It hurt. So much.
I gave him my everything.
He was the first person I ever had a crush on.
He was the first person I ever confessed to.
He was the first person I ever kissed. 
He was my first.
I felt pathetic. So utterly pathetic. 
"I'm so stupid Kei. I'm so stupid." I cried, "It was a stupid high school relationship that would never last anyway." So why was I so hurt? My heart broke at every word I said because I knew they just simply weren't true.
She pulled away from the hug, holding B my arms to make me look at her, "Suzune. I hate seeing you like this. You're supposed to be the badass cool ice queen that absolutely shits on everyone cause they ain't smart."
"But I'm not!" I gave her a broken smile, my cheeks with river of tears flowing down them.,"I'm an insecure little girl whose parents were never there for her! I'm a girl who chased after her brother because I didn't know who I was. But just when I finally felt like I was myself he- I can't Kei. I can't." I stared at the floor, my life falling to pieces in front of me.
"Let's have a girls sleep over okay? I'll call Maya and Chiaki~!" She said, pulling her phone out and instantly messaging them, rushing, "In the mean time, I'll make you a nice warm cup of hot chocolate yeah?" I nodded meekly and around ten minutes later the two girls showed up with their blankets and pillows in their pyjamas. I was curled up in Kei's duvet my mind running through every possible scenario. What if he was doing what he did with me with her?
"I promise that... even though it's been a singular month... I promise that should you ever need me. I will be there. I promise that as my first ever love I will always cherish you close to my heart."
Was he just lying to me? Did he even love me? Was he using me? My quiet tears once again turned into sobs and Kei immediately rushed beside me, the other two confused on what was happening .
"So this is this type of sleepover..."
"What happened?!?" 
I haven't even told them have I? It's just simply because I can't bring myself to even say the words let alone cry just thinking about them. Kei shrugged at her question, a wave of worry washing over her face.