Telling The Truth

                                    

                                          
Wudu


It took a few days but once I was feeling good enough Pei fixed us both breakfast and brought us outside on the terrace to eat. It was nice. The air was cool meaning the water in the air was fresh. 
That's what I needed. I needed water to help calm me down and the air was the closest and best thing for me to use right now. 
For a long time, neither of us said anything. We just enjoyed the silence and having each other in our presence. Part of me wanted to tell him to leave. That part wanted to push him away and bring me into a bathroom where I'd cut again. 
I didn't want to do that right now, he would notice and so would Qingxuan. 

I just wanna try and heal if possible. He stayed. He stayed and held me all night in his arms. He has to care right, even if it's just a little bit. Even if it's just as a friend. At least he's close. At least you can see him. 

"What's going through your mind, Shu Shi"? He reached out placing his hand on top of mine. "I think I need to talk with Qingxuan". I whispered looking down. 
























Ming Guang called them over for me and they came over right away. I thought Ming Yi would be with them but they had arrived by themselves. In a way, I was glad for that. I was glad the two of us would be able to talk privately. 
Ming Guang knew this would be an important conversation and left as soon as they arrived. I was grateful to him for that. 
"Big brother". They looked at me nervously. I didn't like that. I didn't like the fact I had made them uncomfortable around me. 

I should have never pushed you away


"Qingxuan". I hugged them right away and they hugged back. "I'm so glad your ok". They cried. "Let's talk". I took them by the hand and led them over to the couch where we sat down side by side. 
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I pushed you away when I needed you most". "Do you have any idea how worried I was? I had no idea what was going on with you or when you'd get better". 
"I'm still not better". "Ge, what's wrong? Please talk to me". Their eyes were filled with nothing but worry. "I was raped Qingxuan". Tears filled my eyes as I started to talk. 
"The emperor did it after I confronted him about his highness. He's a good friend to you so I wanted to see if I could help him out but it backfired. A few days after he made me get back together with Shu Shu so the marks he gave me wouldn't be suspicious, they could just say we had rough sex together. 
I wanted to tell you but I couldn't, he threatened to hurt you if I did and that's something I couldn't live with. I don't care how many times I end up hurt just as long as your safe. 
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if you think less of me now, the last thing I ever wanted to do was disappoint you". Tears streamed down my face as I held it low. The last thing I was expecting was for them to hug me. 
"How could I ever hate you, you've done so much for me". They made me place my head against them and continued to hold me as I cried. "You're not alone ge, I'm here. I've got you. I will never abandon you and neither will General Pei". 
"You hate him though". "I did but it's obvious to me that he cares about you and that you need someone to lean on other than me". 
"He won't want me after this, no one will". "That's where you're wrong. I still want you, I still want the big brother that looked out for and raised me after our parents left us". 
"I don't know if I can be him again". "You can, it'll just take time. I love you so much big brother, so so much". 























Ming Guang 


"How are you feeling"? Ling Wen asked as we both sat in his office. I had came straight here after leaving the palace of wind and water. I knew Shu Shi would want to talk with Qingxuan alone and gave him that. They had been apart for so long they deserved to be able to spend some sibling time together. 
"He's hurting Wen, I can see it and feel it. He's lost and doesn't know where to go". "You want to be the place he goes to though, am I right"? "You are, until he pushes me away I will always be there for him. The last thing he needs right now is to feel like he's been abandoned". 
"I agree with you but when are you going to tell him how you truly feel"? 



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