109. Obduracy

                                    

                                          
When I looked into his stern brown eyes, I couldn't believe myself. 
" But -" I began but was silenced by a soft glare. 
What is up with him. 
He held my hand, looked at the others and said, " I need to talk to Sagarika for a few minutes. Please inform us of any other updates and if you need our help, please don't hesitate to call us, " Then pulled me with him. 
" Yudhishthir, Yudhishthir, Yudhishthir stop, " I tried to free my hand but he held on tighter, " Yudhishthir! What is it! " I yelled and he turned around, looking around and then pushed me against the wall. 
" You do realize that your sister is being wise by saying that only she should go? Why do you have to put yourself on the line every single time, " He said through clenched teeth. I hadn't seen this anger on him ever since the first time we met. 
" Yudhishthir -"
" Not one word. You know you cannot help. You going there would be chaotic. You rely on your flame for fighting and that is the only thing you cannot use in public! It's why we left Vajji. Why are you so intent on bursting into action everywhere! " He exclaimed, his hand grabbed onto my shoulders. 
" But -" 
" No buts Sagarika. That's enough, I have no right to allow or disallow you from fighting. You are a flame and I respect that. But you are my wife as well, you're the mother of our children as well, you need to think before you act! " He said, eyes wide with anger and pain. 
I never thought that I had been so callous. 
" I don't -" 
" You understand don't you? You understand what I'm trying to say? I'm, not forbidding you from being the sister you are, or that you should completely give up. All I'm saying is you should think before you go and act like a martyr. " He said, pinching his eyes. 
He was breathing sharply, eyes and eyebrows crossed and lips pursed in anger. 
" Yudhishthir, " I whispered, holding his hand as I led him to our room. 
He sat on the bed, with his head in his hands. 
" I'm sorry, " I whispered and he shook his head, looking up. 
" I'm not asking you to apologize-" 
" I mean it. " I said, boring into his eyes as he sighed. 
" Sagarika, I never meant to say that I need you to apologize or that I think that you do not love us, care for us. All I'm saying is that sometimes you need to let others handle the situation. They aren't incompetent and you need to trust them. Especially your sisters. If they say they can handle it, you shouldn't worry so much, " He said and I frowned. 
" It's not that I don't trust the others to - " 
" Lies. You don't. You feel something or the other will go wrong if you aren't there to help them. You wouldn't even leave a four year old Madhu with me when you went to Dwarika to celebrate Mini's return! Mata had to convince you and Nakul and Sahdev had to physically kidnap you to go! " He cried. 
I looked at him stunned, his eyes were wide, pupils blown apart, breath rising and falling at a rate to fast for me to register. 
" What's the other reason? Is there something else, my callousness and lack of the ' think before acting' cannot be the only reason you are so mad at me. What happened, " I asked, moving to sit by him as he moved back, " Tell me! " I shouted and he flinched. 
" Why do you assume I have this reason. Is it such a trivial matter for you that you believe I need another reason to be cross with you? " He asked, his voice deathly calm.