Part 50

                                    

                                          


I wake up before both boys, I shiver and grab my Brown sweater.
I head into the bathroom, brush my teeth, wash my face, and brush my hair.
When I walk out Conrad is still asleep, but Jere is gone, so I go outside to look for him.
The car is gone.
I call him and he doesn't respond.
"Y/N, hey."
"Hey, I thought you left."
"No, I just went to get breakfast."
"Thanks, I wanted to talk to you."
"Before you say anything, just know that there won't be a repeat of last summer."
I was going to tell him that I need time to think, but that's pathetic, and as I'm looking him in the eye, I want to kiss him. I really want to kiss him.
"What am I thinking, Jere?"
"I don't know."
"Yeah, you do."
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him, clumsily, and we kiss for a few minutes, happily.
After a while, I go back to the room.
"Can I talk to you?" Conrad asks.
"Sure, I wanted to talk to you too."
"Okay, can I go first?"
"Okay." I agree.
Conrad's POV
"I'm sorry about last night," I tell her. "I was pissed about you and Jere, but I don't wanna get in the middle anymore, it's okay, you can be together, whatever I said I didn't meant it."
I hate this. I hate it. 
All I want to do is tell her how much I love her, but this is the right thing for her right now, she wants Jeremiah and I can't stop that, I can't hold her back anymore.
"What?" She asks.
"I didn't mean what I said last night."
"What you said in the car or in the room."
"I don't know." I whisper.
"Con."
There is a moment of silence, but I have to let her go, I have to let her live.
"All of it, It was all a lie."
She tears up and that makes me want to die.
"I don't believe you." She cries.
"Believe me, I didn't mean it."
She takes a deep breath in and scoffs.
"We're cool, we're friends."
She gives me this look, that says, 'I release you Conrad, I evict you from my heart'.
In that moment I know the end, the end is now.
Her phone suddenly starts playing music.
"Shit, sorry." She turns it down, but not enough for us to not be able to hear it.
"I was just about to head out." I grab my bag, accidentally dropping something. Her necklace, Y/N Conklin's necklace.
"You should have it." I hand it to her.
"It's yours."
"I don't wanna keep it anymore."
"We've done this before."
"It doesn't feel like last time."
Those two words hit me like a knife, last time, it's the last time we'll do this.
She takes the necklace from me and puts it on.
Jeremiah walks in and I tell him I'm heading out.
"What about cars?"
"Just take mine, I'll get yours back to Boston."
"Okay, bye man."
I nod, not being able to speak.
The door shuts behind me and I quickly go behind the wall, and break down in the floor. I can't actually here her music anymore, but my mind can, I learnt that song off by heart, I learnt all of her favourites.
I lean against the cold bricks and look off into the distance, taking a few breaths in and out, holding my empty chest with my hand.
Goodbye y/n, I hope this isn't forever.
~~
All I want to do is beg Conrad to stay, beg him to say that he meant it, beg him to love me forever, but I shouldn't have to beg.
Jeremiah walks over and wraps his arms around me.
"You okay?"
I nod, before get a gut wrenching feeling and getting out of his grasp and running to the bathroom.
I throw up into the sink.
"Y/N," He comes over and holds my hair.
"I'm fine, it's fine." I wave him away and wash out my mouth.
I sit down on the floor and he sits next to me.
"What happened? Are you sick?"
"No, no I'm okay."
"You can tell me." He puts his arm around me.
"I just, get this thing sometimes, I just feel, you know, ugh, and I'm sometimes sick, but it's not out of control it's fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"Okay." He rubs my shoulder as we stand up.
I grab my bag and he tries to take it for me, but I refuse.
We get into the car and he starts driving me home.
I look out the window the whole time, and hours fly past and we suddenly pull up at volleyball camp.
"Wait why are we here?"
"Belly and Taylor are already here, and I kind of signed you up for soccer camp right next to them."
"Jere!"
"I'm sorry, I thought you'd like it."
"I probably will, that was really nice of you."
We step out of the car and Taylor, Belly and Steven shout my name.
Jere kisses me as we walk over and Taylor then shouts,
"Team Jeremiah!"
"Okay, okay." Steven chuckles slightly.
I hug the girls and we go inside, and I watch the girls play, and an hour later, I go to play some soccer, and they watch me too.
I don't know what will happen next, and I'm scared of the future, but it's mine, and I can decide how it goes.
But a small part of my heart is still aching, very slightly, aching.
'I'm in exile seeing you out, I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending.'