part nineteen

                                    

                                          
!!HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING!!!
before reading the chapter, please read this. 
this chapter not only includes heavy arguing and angst, but it also mentions very toxic and abusive things from the reader's past. these include: physical violence, blackmail and threats, revenge porn, and stalking. if you are not comfortable with that, please please please don't read this. im not one to care for trigger warnings much but this chapter is really heavy, so take that as you will. 
꧁miles pov꧂
i couldn't keep my eyes off the ceiling as i heard her soft breathing from beside me. the floor was too uncomfortable for me to sleep on any day, let alone the one where i can't even remember half the shit that happened because i was dissociated half the time. 
even after we talked about the slap, i still couldn't help my mind as it felt like it was about to drown. i turned on my side, staring up at the back of her head. i wish i could ask to sleep up next to her on the couch but something was holding me back. 
"you awake?" her voice broke and she slowly turned to look back at me. i nodded as our eyes met. it looked like she wanted to say something but she just nodded and sat up. "i can't sleep...but you can probably tell." she chuckled awkwardly. 
"yeah, neither can i," i told her, sitting up as well and leaning back on the palm of my hands. 
"do you know when he's gonna be back?" y/n asked as she stared at the door in the dark room. i shook my head and looked back at it as well. 
"he won't be back for a while, that's all i know."
then, silence again. she kept staring at the door even when i looked back at her. but, without moving her eyes, her eyebrows knitted together and she opened her mouth. 
"were you planning on telling me about...the prowler stuff today, or was it all an accident?" i couldn't really tell the emotions she was feeling because her face was weirdly calm. 
"i...i wanted to. i wasn't planning it the way it happened though." i rubbed the back of my neck as i stood up and sat next to her on the couch. but i left a big gap between us. 
she looked over at me, her eyebrows still squished down. "have you told anyone else?"
"only ganke, but he found out by accident." my head began to nod without me thinking. i stared at her, scanning her face with a weird pit in my stomach. i couldn't tell if she was mad, or anxious, or what. 
"mm." she hummed and looked back at the door. i opened my mouth to speak but she cut me off. "i can't picture it."
i paused, my head tilting before i spoke. "picture what?"
"you. doing all that," she said with a heavy, angry voice. 
"why??" i scoffed and stiffened. what is going on? she was fine just a second ago. "you always knew i wasn't this perfect guy you pictured."
her head twisted back to look at me. "oh, sorry i didn't assume you were a fucking criminal."
"thought you would've." i turned to look away, my throat tight. 
"whats that supposed to mean??" she shot quickly. i felt her hands gripping the blanket i gave her to sleep with. 
"dont act like that! you took months to even hold a full conversation with me!" i hate that she doesn't trust me. what have i ever done to her?!
"you have no idea what youre talking about!" she yelled, her eyes darting up and down me. "you don't know why i didn't trust you, so stop assuming you do!"