053

                                    

                                          
"To be your friend was all I ever wanted; to be your lover was all I ever dreamed." — Valerie Lombardo
Harry's alive.
He was in the hospital for a few days, and we all stayed in Greece until he was stable enough to fly back to Seattle.
He's home now, on bed rest. The doctors said he probably wouldn't have made it if he lost any more blood and that it's a miracle he's alive.
Waiting to find out he was going to be okay after dropping him off at the hospital was one of the worst times of my life. Niall, thankfully, helped keep me calm and got me through it.
Speaking of Niall, he comes downstairs after checking on Harry. He joins me at the island and says, "He's awake."
It's been three days since we got him home, but he's been sleeping for practically the entire time. His body needed to rest and heal, and the painkillers they gave him knocked him right out.
I've been checking on him throughout the days, but I've kind of been avoiding him today since he seems to be fully conscious again. I'm nervous to see him after everything that happened and everything that was said.
Niall says, "He's asking for you."
"Okay," I sigh. "I'll go up in a few minutes."
I guess I have to rip the Band-Aid off at some point.
Niall smiles at me, tapping his hand on the counter as he laughs and says, "You threatened to kill me."
I roll my eyes. "You didn't take that threat very seriously."
I remember threatening him. I think I even hit him a few times as he tried to pull me from Harry that day. He still tried to pull me away, even after the death threat, so it wasn't very effective. 
Niall says, "I'm sorry for dragging you away from him. I wanted you to get out of there. It's what Harry would've wanted me to do. Keeping you safe was the first priority."
"I know, it's okay," I say, putting my hand on his arm.
He looks at me, eyes bright, and says, "You love him?"
My cheeks tint. "I said that in the heat of the moment. I wasn't thinking straight."
"He cares for you too, you know," Niall says. My heart starts beating faster. "I see the way he is around you, we all do. I've never seen him like this. He's been a zombie the last few years, but you brought him back to life."
I say, "I don't know about that, but thanks, Niall."
"And now you brought him back to life again," he jokes.
I roll my eyes.
He gives me a hug and heads out, telling me to call him if I need anything. I really like Niall. He might be an idiot most of the time, but he has a huge heart.
I slowly go upstairs, my stomach tingling with nerves. 
I walk into his room, and his eyes are on me immediately. He looks a lot better; the color has returned to his face, and he's even sitting up in bed.
"Hey," I say as I sit on the edge of his bed.
Harry says, "Hey."
I ask him, "How are you feeling?"
I look at the bandage on his shirtless chest, covering the bullet wound. The bullet hit him right in the middle of the butterfly tattoo I gave him.
He says, "I'm fine. I should be fully healed in a few days."
"That's good," I say, looking down at my lap. I don't know what to say to him. There are so many things that are unresolved between us.
He asks, "How are you doing?"
"I've been better. But I'm glad you're okay."
It's nice hearing his voice again. The last few days were so quiet without him around, harassing me. I missed the sound of him and the sight of his eyes. I miss him in every way. 
"I have you to thank for that," Harry says softly. "You saved my life."
I shrug. "No, I didn't. I just—"
"You did," he says, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. His hand is so much bigger than mine, swallowing mine completely. He says, "Thank you."
The memory of that day hits me. The panic I felt as his blood dripped onto the floor of the car and the life started draining out of his face. I just can't shake the sight of all of the blood. There was just so much.
"That was the hardest thing I've ever done," I say, feeling emotional. "You were bleeding out in front of me, and I had no idea what I was doing, and I... I thought you were going to die in that car."
He brings his hand up, wiping a tear off my cheek, but I blink and more fall. He says, "But I'm here, Kiz."
"I know." 
Harry's here with me, and he's alive. He's breathing, and I didn't lose him.
He looks at me, saying, "I heard what you said."
I internally curse at myself. Out of everything that happened that day, why does he have to remember that? He was bleeding out against a tire, and he still heard me yell about how I felt about him.
"Hmm," I hum, feeling awkward. "I was hoping you didn't remember that. I'm sorry, it just came out of nowhere, and everything was so crazy and—"
"Kiz," he says, cutting off my ramble.
I swallow. "Yeah?"
He says, "I don't know if I can give you what you want. I'm not the typical boyfriend you're looking for. I will always fuck up and hurt you."
"Harry," I say, shaking my head.
"Let me finish," he says, and I bring my focus back to him as he goes on. "I don't think I can give you everything you want and deserve, but I need you, Kiz. You make this shitty world a little less shitty, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I have something to fight for. I want to be with you every second of every day. You're all I fucking think about. It pisses me off, but it's true. The lady from the bagel shop was right. If I let you get away, it would be the biggest regret of my life. I can't picture a future without you in it."
My heart hurts in the best way it could ever hurt.
This can't be real. There's no way I am sitting here with him, hearing him say all of the things I've been desperately wanting him to say for so long now—the things I never thought would come out of his mouth.
I smile at him. "I want you, Harry, and I want you exactly as you are. I don't need a typical guy. I need you. I just needed to hear you tell me that you want the same, that I'm more to you than just a distraction."
"You're everything to me," he says, his voice raw.
I stare at him—at this man that I love so fucking much. Hearing these words brings tears to my eyes again, but this time they're happy tears.
I joke, "And it only took you nearly dying and me saving your life to get you to admit that."
He smirks, "I had to make you work for it."
"So... does this mean we're dating?" I ask.
He says, "If you'll have me as your boyfriend."
I lean down, kissing him. I say, "Nothing would make me happier, pretty boy."
I run a finger over his cheek. He says, "My heart does weird things when you touch me."
"Does your pulse quicken?" I tease.
He rasps, "If I wasn't injured, yours would be skyrocketing right now."
I trail my hand down his body, careful to avoid the bandaged area. I stop above his boxer line, playing with it. I look at him and say, "Too injured for this?"
He says, "Blow me, baby."