10. Aftermath

                                    

                                          
            I couldn't avoid him forever, but I'd be damned if I wasn't going to try. Nerida and Imelda left me in bed all day, only offering to bring me back anything from meals if I wanted. I declined each time. 
            When I knew everyone was at dinner, I snuck out of my room and made for the Room of Requirement. "I have been waiting here for hours for you." I squeaked in surprise as Sebastian stood from the couch. As he started towards me, I cursed under my breath and tried to beeline for the exit, but Sebastian was faster than me. "Oh, no you don't!" He chased after me, caught me around the waist just as my hand hit the doorknob, and threw me over his shoulder to carry me back into the room. He dropped me onto the couch and blocked my route to the door with his arms crossed. "I know you've been avoiding me all day." 
            "And I was succeeding at it," I grumbled. "Well, you found me. Let me have it." Confusion crossed his features. "Surely you're upset." 
            "On the contrary. I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night and offer you an explanation." My head cocked with interest. "May I?" He gestured to the seat beside me, and I nodded. He left a respectable amount of space between us. I'm not sure if it was more for his benefit or mine, but I appreciated the gesture. "I'm sorry if I made you at all uncomfortable last night. I was never trying to force anything on you." 
            "You didn't," I assured him. "Force anything on me, that is. I was a bit uncomfortable though." Sebastian frowned. "It just didn't make sense. You were all over Mara until you just...changed your mind in a split second. You told me over and over that you couldn't do that to me. That you weren't in a place to be with me. That I deserved better, no matter how many times I disagreed." 
            "You do deserve better, but somehow you've managed to persuade everyone in your life that you want me." 
            I laughed incredulously and turned my entire body to face Sebastian, knees tucking under me as I resituated. "That's the thing, Sebastian. I didn't have to convince anyone. Gran said everyone knew when we were children. Knew about Solomon, about my magic, about our connection—everything." 
            "W-what?"
            "And it never mattered to them. You took care of me when they weren't around to, and that's what they see in you. They don't see you as a murderer, they never did. Nor did I. They see you for who you are."
            His gaze fell to his lap briefly, his voice barely above a whisper. His fingers toyed with the hem of his shirt. "What if I don't know who I am anymore? How can I be right for you when I don't know how to be myself anymore?" 
            "I don't want you concerned with being anyone for me. I want you to do this for yourself." He looked back up at me with his eyebrows furrowed as if he didn't understand, or maybe he was skeptical. "Take care of yourself, relearn yourself, and let me support you in it. Heal the right way, Sebastian. You have always been enough for me just as you are." I reached for his hands. 
            He let me grip them between my own. "I haven't had a family in so long, and being with yours...it felt like home. No one asked about the trial or Solomon or...Merlin, they just asked about what I was thinking about doing after school and threatened to turn me into a newt if I hurt you."
            I chuckled. I knew that threat came from Auntie Isa, who did in fact transfigure Ada's first boyfriend into a newt after he broke up with her. 
            "And they thanked me. They thanked me for keeping you safe last year, when I did the exact opposite. I put you into harm's way more times than I can count." 
            "Bash—"
            "I dragged you through goblin encampments and mines and catacombs and—"