ch.12: baby.

                                    

                                          
hyunjin is an age regressor. when he was thirteen he doesn't believe in it—he refused to. he doesn't want to. he felt weird. he doesn't like it because he's only thirteen. why would he wants to act like a child when he's already a child? 
he was put in a foster care due to his abusive parents. they're alcoholic and abusive, it was as if hyunjin was the one that has to take care of them and feeding them. 
if hyunjin doesn't bring money, they'll beat him up and lock him in a room with no food or drinks. it was a truly traumatizing experience hyunjin had. 
he developed ptsd, depression and anxiety as he grew older. his therapist said it's good and definitely more than okay to cope with regressing. as long as its healthy. 
so at fourteen, he gave it a try. silently. at night, he would secretly let his mind rest for once and not think of literally anything. he'll just focus on resting and let his mind rest, hugging a dog plushie that was given to him when he got in foster care. 
he snuggled with it and fell asleep. 
he slept like a baby that night. no nightmares. 
when he was sixteen, he dated for the first time. he met the twenty-three years old man when he was studying in a library. he was thinking if their age gap was a bit big so he asked his ex-boyfriend if sixteen and twenty-three was a big gap. his mature ex said no. 
its fine, then. 
three months later, hyunjin told his ex that he's an age regressor. for some reason, his ex-boyfriend seemed happy at the new information and hyunjin felt so loved. 
his ex-boyfriend pampered him more, treating him ice creams, inviting him to his apartment to cuddle and all. hyunjin, who has severe daddy and mommy issues felt so happy to have someone older that can take care of him. 
almost two months later, hyunjin gave his virginity to the older man while he was regressing. the older said its fine, its okay to do this so hyunjin believed him. he can't say he liked the sex. 
it made him feel dirty and scared. 
it just made him cry in the middle of the night, regressing a bit more often, hating how he can still feel the hands of the older man and how his bottom hurt. he's not sure if he enjoys it all. 
so when hyunjin turned seventeen, he decided to end their relationship. the older doesn't seem to take it well and hit hyunjin before leaving him alone having a panic attack beside the nightclub. suddenly, he felt like he was twelve again.
("excuse me, are you okay?" a soft voice asked. hyunjin breathed heavily as he sobbed, trembling on the floor, trying to make himself feel small again. "do you need help? do you think i can touch you?" the kind voice asked carefully and hyunjin shook his head. he doesn't think he can handle another touch anymore. 
"its alright, its okay. can you stand up? is it okay if i help you calm down?" 
hyunjin nodded, still trembling as he sniffled. he wanted to go home badly. he wants to be alone on his and jeongin's bunk bed. 
a small bottle of water was offered to him and for once, he calmed down... after knowing the age of the guy. 
he's also seventeen and hyunjin felt relieved that he was also six months younger than him.
the seventeen years old boy accompany hyunjin to walk to the foster care and the two never met anymore.)
when hyunjin turned eighteen, he was kicked out from the foster care in a nice way. jeongin and other kids cried because they see hyunjin as a big brother so hyunjin also cried. they were his family.