Poolside

                                    

                                          
Carla held her breath underwater in the resorts main pool for as long as she could, her eyes closed as she fought against floating to the top. The sunlight reflecting through the water disappeared, suddenly she was in a shadow and allowed herself to rise in the water, hoping against hope that her wife would be stood there when she opened her eyes.
"Your cocktail babe."
"Thank you." She said to her new friend Jessica. Using the steps she exited the pool in her bikini, she didn't bother to dry herself off, the sun would do that in a matter of minutes. 
Lying on the lounger she threw the decorative umbrella and straw on the table, brought the glass up to her mouth and took a large gulp.
"Woah slow down there, its barely lunchtime. Are you ok?" The slender American woman asked. She'd only met Carla yesterday but there was a change in her today, she seemed lost and upset which was a massive change to the confident, independent, determined woman she met on the bus yesterday.
"I'm fine." She replied, lying back on the lounger so she didn't have to lie to her new friends face.
"They do this y'know? Make it sound like a lovely romantic holiday and then they go off and do their own thing. Chad has been surfing every day since we got here and we leave tomorrow!"
Carla gave her a weak smile, closed her eyes and let the sun warm her body, she was finding it hard just to breathe at the moment. Yesterday she felt free, she felt invincible like she could take on this whole island. She spoke to locals without worry or fear, she navigated herself and her time, enjoying just being Carla, not a wife, not a grass, not a carer, just a random nobody tourist on a little sun soaked island. Today was different. She felt alone, she felt guilty, unreasonable and worst of all, she felt single. She could do what she wants, she could talk to anyone, she could probably get off with that middle aged guy at the side of the pool that kept staring at her without judgement or repercussion. Thea had given her everything she thought she wanted yesterday but she hadn't realised what that would mean. How it would feel. How empty and meaningless it would all be and she couldn't stop thinking about the word divorce.
It had never entered her mind and looking back on it, she didn't know why. It should have done. When she'd left Thea yesterday she should have known how her words would effect her and that something like this would happen. The cop was all or nothing, she always had been. Carla remembered their first date, the cop lunging at her in the car, food flying all over the clean interior of her car and the look on her face when she told her she wanted to go slow.
It was only a couple of months after that she'd asked her to marry her. She'd called her stubborn and argumentative when she proposed but she'd also said that she'd love her no matter what, that something pulled them together and made them fit. Now it felt like something was pulling them apart. 
"Who the fuck is that?"
Carla looked to her friend, followed her eye line and used her index finger to pull her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose.
"That's my wife." Carla sighed, she pushed her glasses back and turned her head but couldn't stop her eyes from following the tall woman as she walked round the pool. Her heart rate increased dramatically at just the sight of her.
"Damn Carla! You kept that secret."
"I told you yesterday I was married to a woman. We had that whole conversation about your bisexual college years."
"Oh, I remember. You never said she looked like that though!"
"Looks aren't everything."
"No they're not but I bet she could throw you around the bed for hours with those arms!"