Chapter Thirty

                                    

                                          
Chapter Thirty
- He seems fine most of the time, forcing smiles and neverminds -
April 4th, 2023
The minute I get that message, I shut down and go into autopilot.
Later, I won't remember how we left the stadium or what I did between packing my stuff and rushing to the airport to catch the next best flight home. I'm not even able to fully recall how calling Allie went down, and it's not been long. All I know is that there was a huge amount of crying on my part and disappointment on both sides, as well as a lot of reassurance and understanding. I can only hope she meant it, but I can't think about it too much right now. It's a thing for future me to figure out.
Going back takes forever, yet I find myself at Sean's door before I know it. Despite half expecting to find his apartment abandoned, I am still disheartened, as I really hoped I could get him alone first. 
Obviously, that's not happening, so I get back to my car and make the drive out of town to his parent's house. 
Though I didn't tell anyone I was coming, his mom doesn't seem surprised when she opens up the door for me a while later. 
"Hello, kid," she breathes out, a vacant expression on her face. "Good thing you're here."
I sheepishly enter her home and hold out the bags I brought with me. 
"Hi Mary. I got you some soup, just in case you'd like to eat something. I... I'm so sorry." I stumble through those words, well aware there's no such thing as the 'right thing' to say anyway, but I curse myself for making them sound hollow. 
It breaks my heart when I see her force a smile as she takes the bags. 
"How courteous of you. Thanks, dear."
"Don't mention it, please. Let me know if there is anything else I can do, okay?" 
I reach for her hand and take it in my own until she stops avoiding my gaze. 
"I mean it, you can call whenever. And again, my condolences. I'm so incredibly sorry." 
Her bottom lip starts to tremble, then she takes a deep breath and swallows back what I can only assume was going to be tears. She opens her mouth a couple of times but remains silent in the end. 
"It's alright," I whisper as I let go of her. "You don't have to say anything. Do you want me to stay with you?" 
She finally shakes her head and points to the ceiling. "I'll be okay, but if you could check on Sean for me? I think he's locking me out." 
"Of course I will. Thanks for texting, by the way." 
"I knew my son wouldn't." 
There's nothing more for us to say, and so we part ways. Mary carries the soup I brought to the kitchen, and as I'm walking up the stairs, all I can think is how I hope she'll have some later instead of pouring it out tomorrow. 
My whole body tenses on my way to the upper floor. I have no idea what to expect from Sean; I can't fathom the state he'll be in. 
He's so great at consoling others and always has something uplifting to say, no matter how much of a realist he can be, but when it comes to handling his own problems, this boy just doesn't know where to start. It's alarming how incapable he is of taking bad news in a healthy way, really, but on the other hand, we are facing an unprecedented situation here. 
It doesn't take long for me to find my friend once I make it upstairs. The rummaging coming from his father's old study room gives him away. Sean is so focused on a bunch of paperwork in front of him that he doesn't notice me. Shoving both hands into my pockets, I lean against the doorframe and watch him for a while.
With his brow furrowed, his eyes fly over one document after the other before he puts them away on a couple of different piles. Sean works fast and efficiently, indistinctly uttering to himself throughout. If it weren't for the bags under his eyes, nothing would give away that something's going on. His guard is up, and I can tell it's going to be a struggle to get to him. 
I clear my throat, drawing attention to my presence, to which he flinches and finally looks over at me. 
"Oh, hi May," he smiles, and I hate how he goes on to engage in small talk. "How was your concert?"
"Sean?" 
"Wait, why are you even back already?" 
"Stop." 
"No, I thought you were supposed to meet Allie. Did she stand you up? Oh, I swear, if she did, I'm go-"
"Enough, Sean!" This time I interrupt him loud and firmly, and I am pleased when he drops his ranting. 
"If you really want to know, I am the one who canceled. I heard what happened and figured you'd need me more." 
"Well," he shrugs and turns back to the messy papers in front of him. "In that case, you made a mistake. As you can see, I'm doing fine. Actually, I'm in the middle of something here, so if you don't mind?" 
He waves his hand, trying to make me leave. Instead, I take the few steps it takes to get to him and sit down on the floor. I squirm as I realize this is a call to action for me. He already locked himself up too much, and no euphemistic words will be of any help here.