Chapter 29 - William

                                    

                                          
William
30 Days Ago
            It's Friday, the week it seemed my whole world came crashing down.  The divorce papers sat atop my new desk for a while.  I didn't want to read them.  Analyze them.  I wanted to crumple them, burn them, make them disintegrate.  Every time I walked by my home office, the papers would call to me.  No, more like scream at me until I couldn't ignore them any longer.  I had to deal with this.  Accept this.  Now.
My lawyer told me Sarah's terms were reasonable.  Splitting everything right down the middle and sharing custody of Violet.  I actual read those papers for myself though.  Couldn't make the same blind mistake again of trusting people who are supposed to be in my corner.  Not after Barbara.  Speaking to Barbara is all but extinct.  Email is our only form of communication now.  It's all either of us can tolerate.  
My brain knows that the Sarah and William era has come to an end.  But my heart sure doesn't.  I've been sitting in my car for an hour now.  Outside Joseph's and Sarah's usual lunch spot.  They like to get tacos on Wednesdays, sushi on Thursdays and subs on Fridays.  Today's their sub day.  My stomach grumbles as I watch them eat and laugh together.  Watch as his fingers lazily intertwine with hers or how she idly wisps his hair out of his face or does some other annoying couple shit.  I don't know why I punish myself like this.  I can't help it.  I guess I just need to see it for myself.  Make sure it's real and not some cruel joke.  Make sure that yes, regardless of how I feel, Joe did in fact go after my wife.  The bastard.
I keep a safe distance.  Park in the shade down the street.  I'm right here, but they never see me.  I'm... late.  Too late in realizing just how good I had it.  I close my eyes.  Don't break.  Don't break.
Then I look at my phone.  Lunch is almost over and soon I'll need to pick up Violet.  That's the one beautiful thing that's been born out of all this ugliness.  I get to be with my daughter more.  I keep repeating that to myself, so I don't completely lose my mind.  When Violet first came into our lives, she mended something that I'd broken.  
Later that afternoon, when I'm in the car rider line, I grin at her bubbly, excited face, skipping her way to my car.  I drink in the sight of her like she's some sort of healing tonic.  She's the one that gives me the strength to keep going.  
"Hi Daddy," she says to me as she hops in the backseat and kisses my cheek before buckling herself in.  
"Hi Sweetie.  You ready to see your mommy?"
"Yay!" she claps her hands.  "Will Uncle Daddy be at Auntie Erica's tonight?"
When I pull into the main road, my foot stumbles on the gas.
"What was that?" she asks, her head tilting in my rear-view mirror.
"Yeah, uh.  Uncle Daddy?  Is that what you call your Uncle Joe?" I ask, his name grating against my teeth.
"I don't know yet.  We tried it out.  But I don't know if I like it.  Uncle Daddy.  Uncle Daddy.  I'm still seeing how it sounds on my tongue.  Uncle Daddy.  What do you think, Daddy?" 
"Uhhh..." I say, white-knuckling my steering wheel.
"No.  It doesn't feel right," she shakes her head, pouting.  "Especially since I already have a daddy.  And... I don't want to hurt your feelings, Daddy.  No, I'm still gonna call him Uncle Joe.  Uncle Joe.  Uncle Joe.  Yep, that sounds right," she nods her head, satisfied with her conclusion.
A stubborn tear stings the corner of my eye.  "Yeah.  Well, Uncle Joe it is then," I say, willing the tears to stay away.
When I pull up to Erica's, Sarah is already standing outside to meet her.  I park and grab Violet's weekend bag from the passenger seat.  Violet runs up to her mother, giving her a giant hug.  When I lock eyes with Sarah, any smile that was previously on her face quickly vanishes.  That's the effect I have on her now.  I wave and Sarah nods at me as I approach the two most important ladies in my life, one of which still loves me.  Violet hugs me goodbye and runs inside, leaving Sarah and I alone.