Chapter 14

                                    

                                          
Vic's P.O.V
                          
Everything felt cold. It was dark and quiet. So fucking quiet, and I hate the sound. Is this what death is like? I'd imagine it to be- well- I really didn't expect an after life. 
                          
There was a loud steady beep coming from somewhere in the blackness. God, it's annoying. I think I'd prefer the silence.
                          
It suddenly became uncomfortable. I felt as if there were bandages on my arm, along with multiple needles stuck in me. This is what it felt like last time I relapsed, except I was awake. Why am I able to feel? I know Mama used to tell me that people go to Hell for committing suicide. Is this my Hell? 
                          
The smell of ammonia was becoming more present with the second. Oh God, am I in a hospital? Which would only come to reason that I'm alive. Right? 
                          
I heard incoherent mumbles in the distance. Please no. 
                          
There was one voice that came through before the rest. "Victor sweetie." It sounded like a lady. 
                          
God, please let this be Hell. 
                          
Another male voice made itself present. "He's waking up?" A pause. "Good, good." No, not good.
                          
"His medication will be wearing off soon, do you want me to give him more?" The same female from earlier asked.
                          
"No, he needs to wake up." I don't want to wake up. I want this to all be some fucking nightmare. Or maybe it is a dream and I'm waking up from some sadistic coma shit. Then maybe I'll wake up and be okay. 
                          
But, if it's a dream, that means no Kellin. Even if it's not a dream, he's not going to want to see me anyways. Put me back to sleep. I pray some nurse comes by with a wicked sadistic grin and an even more sadistic idea. There's nothing more permanent than that, which would get the job- I left unfinished- complete. 
                          
"We know you're awake. Just open your eyes." It was the same lady. She sounded like she was coaxing a scared animal from the ruins of its broken home. Which I guess suits just fine.
                          
I don't want to face reality. I can't face my parents. I can't face Mike, who I know will be extremely disappointed. Or Kellin. He'll never look at me the same again. Will we even be friends? 
                          
"Give him time. God knows what he's thinking." It was a different person, male, nonetheless. 
                          
It's like I told Kellin. You can't prolong the inevitable. 
                          
I forced my eyes open, despite every morsel in my body screaming not to. Light flooded my vision. It didn't take long for my eyes to adjust, and I was soon met with three faces. 
                          
"Hey there, sunshine." The female sitting at the foot of my bed chirped. 
                          
I don't exactly feel like a ray of fucking sunshine right now.
                          
There was a tray sitting on a bedside table. Undoubtedly full of food. My arms were bandaged up, but I still wore my bloody clothes. It's obvious I wasn't out too long. Not as long as I'd like. 
                          
"You've gotta get food in your system. Whether it's optional or not, is always up to you. I'd recommend you swallow your pride and down those chicken fingers." The male at the door spoke, seeming to be kind but sounding a bit threatening. 
                          
That's not the reason I'm in here. Food is a weakness of mine, second only to the wonderful Kellin Quinn. 
                          
God, why was I so selfish as to leave him here? It's not like I exactly succeeded, but I was full ready to strand him alone. Good going, fuck up.
                          
"You have visitors. As soon as you get vertical, we'll get you a new change of clothes and talk about dismissing you."
                          
I nearly choked on my food. Did he say what I think?
                          
"You're dismissing me?" The first words I've said since I woke up. 
                          
He looked at me strangely. "Would you rather stay in?" 
                          
That's not what I meant. "Last time this happened I was kept in ICU for a week." 
                          
He chuckled a bit, though I don't see why. Had I said something funny?
                          
"You'd prefer this place rather than what we're doing with you." Now was my turn to look at him strangely. Was that a threat, sir?
                          
"You'll be under close watch. Your friend, Kellin I think, will be your supervisor for lack of a better term. Your parents think it's best you recover with someone you trust, possibly more than them." He explained thoroughly. 
                          
It makes sense. But, what if Kellin doesn't want to be with me anymore? 
                          
"You'll still be checking in with us twice weekly for the next month or so. If it makes you feel any better, your therapist made the decision." 
                          
Of course. He's been so hell-bent on expanding my social life. Though I only visit once a month, skipping most of them anyways. What's the use when they have the same three lines: 'everything gets better'; 'you've no reason to be so sad'; and 'just don't think about it'. Thanks, Einstein.  Like I didn't try that before I came here.
                          
I didn't feel like talking anymore, so I didn't. Everything still felt all fuzzy. I think it's the medicine that lady was talking about. But God, does my arm hurt. I pulled at the IV sticking from the crook of my elbow. 
                          
"Let me get that." I'm perfectly fine to do it myself. Though he probably thinks I'll stab myself or some shit. "You lost a bit of blood, but not enough for a blood transfusion. We gave you some fluids." He spoke as if I didn't just try to kill myself. 
                          
Not only a few hours ago, my goal was to rid my body of all blood. So please explain, Mr Doctor, why the hell do you think I care?
                          
He pulled it from my arm and taped a piece of gauze over the puncture wound. I swallowed the last bit of my food.
                          
"It seems like you're all done. I'll take your tray and bring in your clothes." He left with the tray yet leaving my thoughts behind. 
                          
It's sickening that Kellin is the only one I'm worried about. We kept this from him since we met. I didn't want him to know I was fucked up inside. Looking at me, you'd assume I was your average teenage high schooler. Then again, if I knew Twilight was so shitty just by looking at the cover I wouldn't have read it. 
                          
The guy returned with a plastic bag holding what I'd assume to be my change of clothes.
                          
"Your brother picked them out." He said, setting them at the foot of the bed and walking right back out. 
                          
There's no restroom, so I'm expected to change in here. I know good and well there's cameras you little creepy fucks. I got undressed nonetheless. Nervousness is eating at my insides and I can't take it no longer.