Panic

                                    

                                          
Trevor
His hand balls into a fist and he slowly looks at me, tears in his eyes.
"If you want me to leave... just fucking say it."
I can't stand it when he looks at me like that. 
"You're doing something to me by being like this. Distant and then holding me close, but then acting like you don't care again."
"I do care!"
"Then why are you trying to get rid of me!?"
We're both silent and Juan starts to wiggle out of my grasp. I hold him tightly and don't let go, only squeezing tighter.
"You're awful."
"And you're incredible."
"You're making me go crazy."
"So are you."
I pull him in by his waist, but he tries to pull away again. He stares up at me and I feel like he's daring me to do something. 
"Just say it. Tell me you want me gone."
I stare into his eyes until he looks away.
"Just say it!"
"I want you here."
My heart is pounding, I can't believe I finally said it.
"Do you want to be here? To stay here... with me?"
I lift his chin and see tears streaming down his face. He places his hand over mine and brings it close to his chest. I feel his heart beating fast like mine. 
"Trevor, my mom, she-she's waiting for me, I can't-"
"Please... stay?"
He looks at me, his eyes staring longingly into me.
"Why?"
My lips part and I hesitate to say it, but he gives me a tearful smile. I don't know what to do from here so I pull him in for a hug. Juan leans his head into my chest and sighs heavily as if a weight was just lifted off his shoulders.
1 hour later
After we did a deep clean and made sure everything is disposed of and the car is hidden, we sit in the living room, eating cereal while we watch tv. We're acting like strangers who just met, awkward and waiting for the other person to start a conversation, but they're both anxious to start. I watch as the guy on TV reaches around his friend in the car and pats his shoulder, mocking the couple in the other car. I smirk and do the same thing, making Juan blush and giggle softly between bites. We keep watching as the couple suddenly makes out to flaunt in front of the friends, but then the two guys shrug before doing the same thing. I look at Juan in the corner of my eye and see him doing the same thing I am. I feel my face heat up so I quickly look away and act like I didn't notice. 
I wonder if he saw me.
I did.
Juan suddenly chokes on his cereal and coughs loudly. I pat his back and set my bowl down to make sure he doesn't choke.
"I think I'm done eating."
I smile and look at him for a bit too long. I look away and clear my throat.
"Yea, me too."
"Do you wanna lie down?"
"Hm?"
"Do you wanna cuddle, I mean?"
I nod and slowly lean back on the couch, watching as Juan tries to move onto the couch, but because I'm built like a linebacker, I take up most of the couch. Juan sits on my lap and I feel heat growing at my crotch. He doesn't say anything, but just stares at me as his face gets redder and redder.
Oh god, I can feel his dick poking me.
I quickly sit up, almost bucking him off of me, but he holds onto me as I move and now he's straddling my lap as we sit on the couch. So much more than my face is hot and I'm trying to calm myself down.
"I don't think we can cuddle on this couch. It's too small."
"Yea."
"Why don't we cuddle in your bed?"
I look at Juan who's now a permanent shade of red as he looks at me bashfully. My entire body is tingling and I'm starting to get anxious and sweaty. There's no way he wants to cuddle with a sweaty, gross person like me.
"S-sure."
Juan holds my hand as we walk to the bedroom and I start to feel really nervous. Why? We're just gonna cuddle, but that nervousness is sitting in my crotch, not my stomach. I glance down and quickly fix my dick under my waistband. Juan lets go of my hand and crawls on the bed, lying down like he's ready to sleep.
"Well?"
"Oh uh..."
I slowly crawl next to Juan and face him, scooting closer until our noses are almost touching. He smiles and then looks away, giggling nervously. He's so cute. 
"Did you ever have sleepovers when you were little?"
"I think about 2 or 3. With Kline."
He frowns and looks away. I forgot he's jealous of Kline. Wait...
"I think he's cute. Really cute."
"I'm sure you do."
"Cute enough to kiss."
Juan pouts and sits up.
"Well then why don't you go do that?"
I laugh and sit up too, leaning in close to his face that makes him redder than he already is.
"I could, but... I don't know how to kiss someone."
"Maybe you could ask him."
Juan's all pouty and turns his face away from me.
"Or maybe someone cuter can show me?"
Juan's eyebrow raises and he slowly turns to look at me. I place my hand on his which makes him avert his eyes again.
"Who would that be?"
"You. I want you to show me."
"What makes you think I want to."
Juan
After what happened, I never wanted anyone to find out that I was... used, so I pushed everyone I ever liked away. Being around them made me feel... strange and it would always loop back to what happened. I come back and see Trevor looking sad and scooting away. I realize that what I just said had come off as mean and I just hurt Trevor's feelings. Fuck, how do I fix this? I tug on his hand and look into his eyes.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."
He still looks hurt, but he squeezes my hand softly. I kneel on the bed to be sort of the same height as him, god he's so tall. What did they feed him- oh wait. I purse my lips and realize how dry they are and immediately feel nervous.
"U-um Trevor? Do you have chapstick?"
"I have one, here."
He takes out a white tube of chapstick and puts some on, I can smell the scent of coconut from here. He then hands it to me and I put enough to soothe my lips. Once I'm ready, I move closer and try to lean my hands on his chest, but it's so awkward.
"Do you want to move closer?"
"Yes."
Goosebumps run up my back when he grabs my waist and lifts me onto his lap. I look into his eyes and we both immediately feel it. I slide my hand up his chest and hold onto his shirt, slowly moving closer to him. Trevor's hands squeeze my hips which makes me sit up straight. 
"Is this ok?"
"Yes."
"Can you teach me how to kiss you?"
"As long as you teach me too~"
It starts out with a small peck and the fear starts to melt away. We kiss again, a few seconds longer this time and then we turns our heads the opposite ways to continue kissing. 
"Is this ok?"
"Mhm~"
The more he reassures me, the more safe and aroused I feel. He kisses me again, much longer this time and I feel myself start to suffocate.
"Mm!"
"Mm~"
"Mmf!"
I pull away and now we're both breathing heavily, lips wet and faces flushed. I playfully hit his shoulder and it makes him laugh.
"I have to breathe, stupid."
"I can't help it, I like kissing you."
His stupid grin is driving me crazy, so let's see if he's still laughing after this. I push him onto his back and continue kissing him, stopping when he touches me. He whines and tries to lean up to kiss me, but I pull away before he can and grin down at him. He suddenly flip us over and pins my wrists above my head.  He holds my hands down with one hand while lifting my hips to his and then he starts to grind against me. 
Juan, let's play a game?
Fear suddenly shoots across my body and I feel a pit in my stomach. I try to squirm out his grasp, but he's holding me down. I start to whimper, but his lips are suffocating me. I-I can't breathe. I'm scared. I jerk when I feel him tugging on my pants. When I blink, I appear in that bedroom at my grandparents house, being held down by him as he pulls down my pants. 
Don't move and don't cry, or we can't play our game.
That's when I hear the screams and I feel the pain from that day, the echoes of that nightmare muffled behind the closed door. 
"STOP IT! GET OFF ME!"
CRASH