Chapter 204

                                    

                                          
Juliette had forgotten just how exhausting being on edge constantly really was - she'd sort of thought that her body would adjust to it just fine after years of living in a place where that was the literal only way to be, but no, no instead it had to simply keep her suffering for as long as possible until her body crashed out on it's own.  That was a very fun way to say that her trauma response had become 'let me run from this lion until I simply lay down and let myself get eaten.'  And she was reaching that point a little too quickly for her own liking - she hated that she was giving someone so fucking stupid such power over herself, but part of her couldn't help it.
Even if she thought Ethan was more or less completely harmless, part of her still feared the fact that all of her friends could be right, and if they were all right, she would be in real danger... Those thoughts had kept her up all night and had tormented her all through the day, and now she was sure that even though she was going to Shelby's for a night with friends, a place that she had never been anything short of completely safe in, she might spend the night feeling like she just swallowed a generous mouthful of glass while also feeling like she swallowed several Benadryl pills.
In short, she felt completely and utterly exhausted.  Esme placed a hand on her thigh, making her jump a bit before she placed her hand over theirs... They hadn't really startled her, not them, just the reminder that there were other people in the world had been a surprise in that moment.
"Hey." Esme's voice was gentle as they rubbed their thumb up and down the side of her hand, looking at her with such sweet concern that it made her feel like her heart could tumble right out of her chest.
She brought Esme's hand to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it before she leaned her cheek against it... It was nice to be touched by them, it made her feel real again, and not a lot of things were capable of that right now - currently she was lucky if she could make it through the day without being sure that the entire world was going to slow down around her.
"Hm?" She asked, watching as Esme leaned a little closer, their deep brown eyes taking her breath away - they were filled with a look of concern, seeking understanding as to what was going on her mind, and she wanted to give it but she wasn't exactly sure what to say because I'm worried everyone may be right just felt like too much, it felt suspenseful.
Her life didn't need any manufactured suspense or drama, it had plenty of that happening all on its own.
"Are you okay?" They reached out, stroking their free hand softly down her cheek as she smiled, lifting her head to lean into that touch.  See, if Esme just never stopped touching her and treating her like she was the most important woman in the entire world, she would be completely fine - fuck anyone who tried to hurt her if Esme was there, right?  Like, she probably wouldn't even have to handle it on her own, Esme would get it for her.... Perk of being in love with someone who'd been devoted for years. "We don't have to go-." She shook her head.
That wasn't what she wanted - she didn't want to give Ethan's antics the power to ruin a night that she had been looking forward to with her friends.
"I wanna go, I'm just tired... I don't know why." She said, and Esme's eyes softened impossibly as they shifted a little closer so that they could press a soft kiss to her forehead, making her shoulders sag with relief... God, that could probably replace therapy.
No... No it can't, don't think that.  You are so deeply traumatized.
"It's okay to not know why, sometimes just living can take it out of you." They pulled her into their arms for a moment, stroking their fingers through her hair before they pulled back, flitting their gaze between her eyes and her lips, making her heart skip.  God, if you wanna kiss me please do it. "C'mere." They murmured, pulling her in for a soft kiss, holding her there as the world felt like it was melting away around her, like a weight was lifting right off of her shoulders.