Chapter 2

                                    

                                          
I have a strange feeling; fear comes over me as I look for an outfit. It makes me feel like I should just climb back into bed and not get up until tomorrow. The feeling is almost unbearable, and I know that today might be my breaking point again if I wasn't careful.
"Dean's at the front door." Addlynn's voice was playful. My heart raced thinking about him at the door, waiting for me. I felt sheer joy thinking about him. 
"Thank you," I said as I walked out of my room, closing the door behind me. We walked down the stairs together, and my mom was at the bottom step, waiting for me. 
"You are going to eat before you leave." She has a plate with toast on it. 
"I gotta get going. Can I just take this on the road with me, please?" I ask. She smiles, and I know that if I don't start eating with the family, they will think something else is happening. "I promise I am eating, Mom, but I gotta get going. I don't need to be late." She opens her arms up for a hug. I know she loves me and cares and worries about me when she can't be around or see what I am doing. "I love you; I will be okay; besides, I know you have Addlynn watching me at school." 
"Love you, enjoy." My mom kisses me and walks away.
As I walk out onto the front porch, Dean smiles at me. "What's the question you have for me," he said as we sat on the swing. "Please, eat while we talk. Your mom told me you didn't eat dinner last night." It is like he is looking at me over glasses. He leans over to me and puts his head against mine. "I love you." His right hand sits on my left leg. His hand is warm, and the air is almost sweet. It's Fall, and the air is usually sweet in the morning and evening. 
 "Where are you, the one who found me?" My heart breaks as I ask him this. It is so hard to find the right words, but they just came out. I look up at him; his eyes fill with tears, and mine fill with tears. Why was he the one? Why was he even in my room? 
"Eva, I... I," his eyes drop from my gaze. "I came over to talk to you about how I feel, how I have felt for years; your dad told me I was all right to go upstairs, that you were in your room... I never thought I'd walk into something like that. The doctors said you had to have just cut when I walked in. I should have come over sooner or called you or something." he gets up and walks around a little. The pain he must have been feeling, the guilt of not showing up before he did. It just about broke my heart. I couldn't breathe; I wanted nothing more than to hold on to him, but how could I when he was the one who found me and saved my life. 
I could hear him crying. It breaks my heart. "Dean," I whisper. "I'm sorry. I never meant for anyone to find out. I just wanted the voices to stop and the pain to go away. Please, don't blame yourself for this. This is no one's fault. It never is because of someone that a person will self-harm." My eyes burned, and I couldn't move from the swing. I feel weak, and all I want to do is hold him close to me and promise him it'll never happen again.
"Eva," his voice broke, "I'm sorry, but I... we should get going so we aren't late. Besides, you're right; it won't happen again because you have the support you need from everyone, but I know that if you don't start eating again, you'll have to leave again. I want nothing more than to have you here and be able to hold you close to me." He stops momentarily, takes a few quick steps over to me, and kneels before me. "Eva," he grabs my hand, "Please, I can't even stand the thought that I could lose you." 
 My eyes drop. I feel the tears falling from my eyes, "Dean, I'm sorry; I don't think I can do this today." I look at the scars on my arms, and he runs his hand down one of them. 
 "Don't hide from the world; don't do that to yourself. You have so much in front of you." 
"I gotta go. I'm sorry. I can't do this today. I need some more time away from school." I whisper. Seeing Addlynn leave the house, I tell her, "Addlynn, I think I'm just going to stay home."