Chapter 37 | Part 1

                                    

                                          
⋰ Elsie⋰
Once I'm calm enough, my thoughts begin to race. Not in panic, but in confusion.
I shudder at the feeling of the cold sweat all over my body, the feeling of the hurt still knotting my stomach. I loathe it. I want to skin myself alive because I let my parents be the cause. 
Not Aiden. Never Aiden. He's not the one to blame, I know that by experience.
I madly loved my brothers when we were younger, we were inseparable. Aiden was the one I was closest to, we shared it all, he was the nicest person alive. That's why even now, after everything, his words always cut deeper than the rest. 
I should be used to his spiteful insults, to the disgust in his eyes by now. I wish I was, but I'm not.
I set my hand on my damp forehead, sighing. It takes two minutes to convince myself to get out of that pitiful state I hate. I pick myself up, spray fresh water on my face and tie my hair. I send a quick text to Nico to let him know I'm going back on my own, which... is not entirely true. I text Alix.
Me: Can you meet me at school?
Alizabeth: Where? Why? Tbh, I don't really wanna move :)
Plus, I'm playing Smash Bros with Jason and I'm winning for once ✨
Me: In front of the toilets on the second floor. Slight problem.
I cringe at my own words, hating the feeling of asking such a thing. Maybe it isn't that big of a deal. Now, it feels like I overreacted.
Alizabeth: Coming. In 5 minutes.
How big is the problem, though?
Should I run or not?
I give a tiny smile, still feeling guilty for asking.
Me: You can walk 🙃
I let myself slide against the wall, sitting back down as the thought strikes me. Is being seen with my friends really the best decision right now?
I certainly don't want to run into Aiden when I'm with any of them, I don't want him to identify who they are so he can target them. That eventuality feels like a nightmare, even if technically, he'd just have to ask Ward if he really wanted.
But fuck him. I can't let his threat deter me, I can't let him have an influence on my life if I can help it, most of all, I know I wouldn't be able to stand it. I trust Tim to keep him from hurting my friends, I just have to tell him when I get ahold of him.
Still,  what the hell is Aiden doing here?
The last time I had seen him was before I left for Black Elm – and of course, he'd made clear he was happy to get rid of me. That he was hopeful I would finally learn something useful; now I know that 'something useful' was being taught obedience.
I almost scoff at the thought. What a joke.
The thing is even my presence disgusts and angers him. Not like Ward, who exaggerates, but truly. At my former college, I knew better than to go near him and he'd always go to lengths to avoid my sight. He never acted on that rage in his eyes to make me pay for the 'shame I brought upon his family', although it burned me alive every time he looked at me. That's why now that I was out of his life, I feel lost as to why he'd even want to come here, to risk the possibility of running into me and having to 'deal with me' again.
It's strange.
I frown, leaning against the wall and slowly lift my hand to touch my face. My jaw still hurts, the roots of my hair too. I'm not thinking clearly enough to investigate now.
Without thinking, my hands unlock my phone again, eyes checking avidly if I have any message from Tim. I stare, longing for it to light up, longing for the soothing voice, the warm words, and the funny things said in a dead serious voice. I want to tell him everything and feel better.