29.

                                    

                                          
"You okay?" Yania asked as she watched Ray move around in the kitchen. It's been a few days since everything went down and it was starting to hit them. They were anxious, fidgety as they moved around in Yania's apartment. They ended up staying with her, being too afraid to be on their own after everything that's happened. 
They both skipped class today knowing that Dianne's disappearance would raise questions. Yania knew Ray wasn't equipped to hear it. They were uneasy, washing dishes that were already cleaned by the dishwasher and putting them away despite Yania's protest. 
"Ray." Ray ignored her, drying every dish and putting them in the dishwasher. Their thoughts were loud, their eyes wide as they wiped down the counter with a Lysol wipe. Their hands were calloused, Ray grabbing the broom and jumping as Yania snatched it from their hand while glaring down at them. 
"Desirée." Her voice was stern. It was the sternest it's ever sounded before, Ray slowly looking up at Yania who held her glare. 
"Hm?"
"Go sit down."
"But-"
"Go sit down!" Yania barked, Ray immediately walking over to the couch and sitting down. They were shocked, never knowing that Yania had it in her despite getting to know her better within the last few days. Their heart was thudding deep in their chest as they watched her place the broom back in its secure corner next to the stainless steel garbage bin. 
"You..need a damn chill pill. I understand..a woman just tried to kill you because you gave it to her a little too good, I get it. But cut it out! You're giving me whiplash. Cut it out!" Yania yelled as she walked over. Ray just stared up at her from their seat, their hands crossed over their crotch as they simply nodded. 
Yania huffed while slumping down next to them, grabbing her pastel box and pulling a joint from inside of it. She lit it, taking a pull before handing it to Ray who inhaled. 
"This is what we're doing today. We're gonna smoke, watch a few movies, and then wait until we get an email from the school about what will happen to our class. Okay?"
"Yes."
"Good girl. Now smoke, I'll order lunch. I was thinking Thai.." Yania's voice faded away as Ray stared at the television screen. Dianne's face kept flashing in their mind along with Celèna's dead body, Ray flinching suddenly causing Yania to freeze. 
"Ray..what's going on?"
"Nothing."
"Desirée."
"Stop calling me that!" Ray hissed. Yania sighed, turning to face Ray on the leather couch with one foot tucked under her. Taking the joint from Ray's hand, she inhaled and they watched. 
"Tell me what's going on." 
"Nothing. I just...I thought I'd be able to handle this better. That's all. This shit traumatized me." 
"It would traumatize anyone. Give yourself some grace. You were a drug dealer, not a killer. You've seen shit, but not a lot of shit. Cut yourself some slack. You're nothing but a girl. Or however you identify yourself." 
"I am. I am just a girl. I don't think anyone saw me that way-"
"Except Dianne. And myself of course. But now that I know you have a penis like auntie Veronica and hate putting the toilet seat down when you finish, it does raise some questions. Who are you?" 
Ray swallowed hard at the question, unsure of how to respond as they scratched the back of their head. Yania just watched as they fidgeted, inhaling from her joint before placing it on the ashtray.
"Ray..that's what you need to focus on. You were forced out of the life, and there's no sort of lust and siren energy around you that's making you dumb. You have freedom now. And a shit ton of money. How about you figure out who you are outside of what everyone else thinks? No more adapting other people's interpretation of you. Figure out what it is you like and don't like, what it is you want and don't want."
"You should become a therapist."
"I thought I was autistic. What happened?" Both of them laughed, Ray wiping the stray tear that escaped the corner of their eye. Yania hugged them to her rubbing their back which comforted them more than anything. 
"Well you are..and my friend. Promise me you won't abandon me through this weird journey."
"Of course not. Think of me as your fairy god mom that's a few months younger than you." Ray chuckled at her response as they sat up, their faces close as they both smiled at each other. 
"Yeah?"
"Uh uh. Don't try all that on me, now. You need a distraction and I won't be it. You find me when you're all ready and can answer my question." Yania laughed causing Ray to laugh harder as she stood, Ray grabbing her by her hips and pushing her down onto the couch. 
"Stop!" Yania laughed, Ray's fingers digging into her skin causing her to gasp for air as they tickled her. 
"No cause you think you're so fucking funny always tryna come for me."
"Well..maybe I do want to cum for you. But not while you're all disheveled and re-washing my dishes." Yania whispered. Ray felt themselves grow aroused, swallowing hard as they slowly sat up. Yania watched, a smirk on her face as she sat up while slicking her hair down with her palm. 
"And besides. I'm a hopeless romantic. It needs to be done right. I want to be taken out on a date and showered in flowers. Sex can be damaging to a relationship with no base." 
"Yeah...definitely therapist material." Ray chuckled, Yania sighing as she placed her feet on their thighs and crossing her ankles. They stared at each other again, the quiet being comfortable which Ray was used to. They missed it, their mind no longer on the white demon who turned their life upside down in only months. 
"I'll consider it. I just want you to be okay. That's all. You're my friend before anything. I told you I like simplicity after a life full of complex problems. You deserve that too. That peace and stability with yourself. But it starts inside."
"I know. I guess I just don't know where to start."
"We can start by getting you some therapy. V has a friend who's a therapist. I went to her for some time. She'll break you at first. You'll grow to hate her. But she'll help put you back together and you'll never want to stop seeing her. Are you ready to be broken apart?"
"The problem is I think I already am." Yania smiled at Ray's response, grabbing their hand and lacing her fingers with theirs while giving it a squeeze. 
"Well..then you're already halfway there, Desirée."
Ray held back their tears as they looked up at their friend who just smiled gently at them. They nodded, Yania grabbing her phone and scrolling down to Dr. Abdul's contact information. She forwarded it to Ray, Ray's phone chiming causing them to grab it. 
"You send her an email. Briefly explain what it is you need and are trying to accomplish. Then from there, she'll schedule an intake and your foot will be in the door."
"Thank you. Seriously." 
"Mhmm. You know what I want so reward me with that once you're all done if you're still interested. I've had a crush on you since I met you and that doesn't happen with just anyone. Now pick something for lunch! Thai or pizza?!" 
Epilogue next chapter. 💕