Chaper 39

                                    

                                          
Joshua
Two days. It's been two days since Nara was admitted after surgery.
Not much has happened in these past two days. I pretty much haven't left her side. I go home once a day to shower and change my clothes, but other than that I spent every minute on the lounge chair by the side of her bed. 
Not that she notices or even knows. They have her hooked on so many painkillers, she sleeps all day.
Plus, the surgery took a lot out of her. The doctor said she will be exhausted for a while after the trauma her body has endured, and has put her on bed rest for six weeks. 
I don't know how much longer they'll keep her in the hospital, but the doctor wants to keep an eye on her for a little while longer. And as much as I hate hospitals, I wish they could keep her until she's completely better. This place is filled with doctors and nurses who can be by her side in a second if God forbid something happened.
What am I going to do for her at home? I've never taken care of a woman in my entire life. Let alone after something like this. 
I want her to have the best care possible, so I'm already in search for the best nurses I can get to take shifts to come check up on Nara after I take her home.
She has stitches all over her stomach, and she has to take all those medications... I would never trust myself to be her only or main caretaker. I will be there. Of course, I will always be there, but I have to know she's okay. Not just her telling me she's okay. I need a medical professional to make sure that's true.  
The idea of Nara being in pain—it's enough to drive me insane. It's like this constant ache in my chest, this gnawing feeling that I can't shake off. I see her sitting there when she's awake, lost in her own world of sorrow and confusion, and I feel utterly helpless.
And our friends- they have been so amazing to her these past few days. It's their best friend, but still. They haven't let her eat any hospital food or anything from the cafeteria. They take turns to bring her favorite meals from her favorite restaurants for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They help the nurses shower her, they do her hair, help her change. 
But most importantly, they don't ask questions- which I know they have a lot of.
They've probably all figured it out by now. About us, I mean. They barely look at me when they come in. First I thought it was because they were so focused on Nara- as they should be. But now I think they're angry.
Maybe they blame me for what happened to her.
I wouldn't blame them if they did. It is my fault. I did this to her, and there is no denying that.
I just hope one day they can look at me.
I hope one day, Nara can look at me.
🩵
I don't like coffee. I've never liked the taste. But these past few days it's practically the thing that's kept me alive, disgusting cafeteria coffee. 
I'm sitting alone in the hospital cafeteria, nursing a cup of dismal coffee that tastes more like regret than caffeine, when Ivana suddenly appears, dropping into the seat across from me with a casual smile.
"Doesn't this setup remind you of high school?" she says, gesturing around at the cafeteria's utilitarian decor. 
I blink in surprise, then nod slowly as I look around me, seeing what she means. "Yeah, now that you mention it," I reply, a faint smile tugging at my lips.
Ivana studies me for a moment, her eyes curious. "How are you holding up?" she asks, her tone gentle.
I hesitate, torn between brushing her off or being honest. "It's been a tough," is all I admit.
She nods in understanding, her expression thoughtful. "I can imagine. How do you think Nara is really doing?"
I exhale softly, talking about Nara in the hospital still makes me want to scream. "She's... struggling. She doesn't want to admit it, but she's in a lot of pain. And I'm not sure how to help," I fink, my voice tinged with frustration.
Ivana's eyes soften. "You know, sometimes it's just being there for her," 
I nod, shrugging my shoulder. ''I hope you're right, because it's all I can do right now.''
She studies me for a moment, her eyes small and observing. ''When's the last time you slept?''
''I don't know.'' I fell asleep on the chair early on yesterday, but I woke up startled when the nurses walked into the room for the morning check-up not long after that.
''You need to rest too, you know.''
I scoff. That's the last thing I need. ''I'll rest when she's okay.''
''Joshua, the operation couldn't have gone better. The doctor said it herself; they stopped all the bleeding, she is okay. She'll be home in a few days. Her body just needs a bit of time to heal. But you know Nara, she's got this.''
''I know,'' I nod. If anyone can get through something like this, it's Nara. But I'm still angry because she shouldn't have to. She should be healthy and happy right now, preparing for the opening of her restaurant. She shouldn't be in a hospital bed, surrounded by beeping machines stuck to her body by a million cords. She shouldn't be mourning a loss of something that could've been. 
''But you need your rest too.'' she adds. ''I know it's Nara in the bed, but you lost something too, Josh.''
My head snaps up. This is the first time anybody other than Kayden brings this up. I still can't believe they know.
''Van...''
She tilts her head to the side, throwing me a deadpan look. ''You didn't think we wouldn't find out, did you?''
I gulp.
''Nara was walking around with that happy sex-glow all day, seven days a week. We knew there was someone.'' she says. ''Didn't realize it was you until we saw you in that waiting room that night.''
Why is my neck itching? It's so fucking hot in here.
''We never wanted y'all to find out like this.''
''So it wasn't just sex then?''
I clear my throat. It feels weird talking about this with her. With anyone. Nara and I have been living in such a little bubble where it's only the two of us for months, talking about it openly feels unnatural. But natural at the same time. Like, everyone should know. Like, everyone should've known all along.
''It was, at first.'' I start. ''But then...''
''It wasn't anymore.''
''Yeah,'' I nod. ''I don't know how we're ever gonna go back to that.''
''You can.'' Ivana says. ''If you both really want to, you can. It's probably not going to be easy, and you both definitely need time to heal. Together or separately? That depends on the two of you.''
I want to do it together. I want to be by her side through it all.
I'm just afraid she feels entirely different about that.
...................................................................................
We're so close to the end, yet it feels so far with the little I still have planned for them. I hope you won't take sides with whatever is still going to happen with these two, I'm trying to handle this storyline as delicately as I can, yet it still needs to be realistic. So I'm very curious what you all will think!!
Don't forget to⭐️💬❤️
Until next time, loves💕💕