Chapter 11

                                    

                                          
Sarah 
Here I am. 
Sitting under my tree filled with the prettiest of lights on a blanket as my boyfriend fills my glass with sparkling cider after he just did the sweetest prom posal ever. 
Of course I was excited. 
The moment stunning me with surprise and aww. 
I am going to prom and I have a date. 
Not only a date, my boyfriend who i have been going out with practically all school year and he did a prom posal. 
I should be overcome with joy, my only thoughts should be of the dance and how sweet he is. 
Now that the shock of events have calmed down a bit I find that even though my mind had gone to a prom scene the person i had been dancing with wasn't him. 
Looking up, seeing those dark brown eyes. 
A look so intense with want and need and I found myself standing taller as the same feelings overcame me. 
Getting closer. Our feet, still moving side to side to the beat of the song but I couldn't hear the music anymore. Only the beat of my heart as I leaned further wanting to close the space between us. 
Getting closer. 
Wanting to feel that electricity like a lightning bolt coarse through my veins and muscles, all down my skin. 
Your musky, wood smell puts me deeper in the trance as I inch more. 
Until our lips almost touch and suddenly my surroundings become clear again. 
Hiding the guilt by taking a drink and looking up again at the branches hoping that the angle would hide my expression. 
Why oh why was I like this. 
He cared for me so much, he did all of this for me and yet all I could think about was another guy. 
How could i be so. 
So. 
I don't even know the right word to use. 
Taking another small gulp trying to calm my nerves and ease the ache forming at the back of my throat. 
Watching the smile grow on his face as he reached in and pulled something else out of the cute wood woven picnic basket. 
Curious as I watch him pop the lid only to be presented with chocolate strawberries. 
Mouth watering as I go to reach for one taking a bite letting the juices from the strawberry roll across my tongue mixing with the airy milk chocolate as I chew the outer shell. Not even capable of keeping back the small sound of delight as the flavors cross together. 
All my other thoughts are forgotten as I enjoy the taste of these delectable treats. 
"These are so good." Talking even though my mouth was still full hearing his chuckle as he reached in for one himself. 
Denying the need to swat his hand away and steal the whole bowl for myself.
Though not letting the idea go completely. 
"This is all really amazing. I still can't believe that you did all of this for me."
Meaning that when i say it because i haven't always been the best girlfriend to him. 
Considering that there have been multiple parts when it felt as if we were drifting apart. 
Then again. 
Maybe I was the only one feeling that way. He never seemed to be bothered when I brought things up like that. Always saying that it was okay or he understood why I didn't always feel like talking or even that he felt as if he was pushing me and apologizing himself. 
When I thought about ending our relationship his only thought was to fix it. 
Of course tonight was the perfect example of that. 
Of just how good I've become at lying. 
Was it even considered lying if I was confused about the situation itself?
I mean I did have feelings for Brayden and I still do just not as much as before and nowhere near the feelings I have for you. 
I should be excited about this.
Being asked to prom, having a boyfriend. 
This was normal high school stuff. 
But my life has been anything but normal since you stole me away. 
Now here I am feeling guilty that I wasn't as excited to go to this dance with him as he was with me. 
The thing is. 
If I had never met you, I would be absolutely head over heels for him. 
Every touch, kiss, interaction is off. 
Because I'm comparing all of that to how I felt with you.  
How I still feel with you. 
That's not fair to him or to me. 
Now I'm completely frustrated but hiding it behind fake enthusiasm that should be real as he goes over some of the plans for the dance.
Plans that I haven't even been listening to because again my mind was on you. 
Putting back the half eaten strawberry, not even able to taste them anymore as I try my best to key into what he is saying, wanting nothing more than for the thoughts to stop swirling in my head. 
He's halfway through another sentence, one of which I haven't heard a single word, when I lean in, fisting my hand into the collar of his shirt bringing him to me as I come closer to him. 
Feeling his shock the slight hesitation before his lips relax and mold to mine. 
Not caring that my parents and amara might be watching us through the window at this very moment. 
Not caring that you would be insanely jealous if you were standing here right now. 
This moment was mine. 
Kissing me sweet, cute, caring boyfriend who was now my prom date. 
The action did little to dull my thoughts. In fact they only raced faster and stronger amping up my pulse, adrenaline coursing through, my heart pumping faster.
Feeling every time his lips broke away, how they smashed back onto mine, his breaths of air coming out of both his nose and mouth, his hand on the side of my face, fingers splitting my ear. 
The kiss wasn't light, i didnt let it be. Instead it was rushed, wanting with need that wasn't being fulfilled. 
Searching.
For something that wasn't there. 
Would never be there. 
After a full minute I push myself away to see a still hypnotized Brayden waiting for the kiss to continue. 
Eyes shut, lips puckered, shirt wrinkled from my hold. 
He is cute. I will give him that. He may be able to kiss somewhat ok, but he will never make me feel the way I want. 
"What was that for?" He whispers out as his eyelids dreamily come back open. 
"Because I have the best boyfriend ever."
The lie slipped easily through my teeth as I forced myself to beam a smile. 
He deserves someone who was going to love him fully and right now he thinks thats me. 
So that is what I am going to give him. 
For now at least.