scenting

                                    

                                          
not proofread...












The sky was clear today, a stark contrast to yesterday's rainstorm, sun rays falling onto the ground, the melodious sound of birds chirping that filled Hyunjin's ears. The window glass was open letting the morning fresh air inside of the plain white room, The nurse had advised that it would help. Coffee which was hot earlier brought by one of his bodyguard was already cold remained in his grip of fingers. He looked out, zoned out. His expression was hard to read, there was nothing and it was difficult to place what he is thinking, his expression was inscrutable, a mask hiding his inner turmoil. His other hand stretched out, fingers gently laced into the soft unmoving palm of felix, it is soft, like a feathery touch. Having being held for the entire time, it's sweating but didn't lose it. 
Stared down at the moving people going in and out of the hospitals main entrance. The routine hustle and bustle of people coming and going seemed to unfold in a distant world, detached from his current reality. The sudden ring of ambulance jolt him from his zoned out self and looked at  it as the ambulance doors swung open, the patient being taken out of the ambulance and putting out on the stretcher. The lady behind him looked lost and rushed as she tries to be close to her husband even with four nurses gathering around her husband, she tries to get a look her eyes pleading with them for reassurance.
They seemed to be old. The lady looked tired and exhausted. Despite the distance, the woman's cries of desperation and wailing clearly rang clear in his ears. The plea to the gods, the plea to the nurses, and everyone that could save her husband. they resonated with him on a deeply personal level.
In that moment, he understood the raw, primal agony of helplessness. Her cries for her husband is what felt similar to his. The agonizing wait, the gnawing uncertainty, the suffocating fear of losing someone irreplaceable. Be on the edge of losing your only source of life, it's not exaggerated. Hyunjin can't live without felix. The single thought makes him go insane. 
Hyunjin's gaze lingered on the spot where the couple disappeared into the hospital. Hot tear rolled down his already wet cheek. Each tear that traced its path down his cheek held a fragment of his shattered heart. It hurts so much. The ache in his chest intensified, The knot in his throat tightened with every passing moment, it's painful, and he could only choke on it. he has been crying and only crying since felix drop. 
He is a fool. A selfish person and he don't deserve what he got in life. No pretty felix and no cute kids. He can't even think about his kids because whenever he thinks about them it felt even worse. Their pictures and big doe eyes stared at him smiling already loving him and what he did to them instead is so wrong.  He couldn't fathom how he, a flawed and broken individual, could ever hope to be a deserving father to such precious beings. those beautiful kids are his own blood and he doens't know how to talk to them even a single word. He don't deserve them. That's what his mind tells him. 
Hyunjin's heart grew heavier with each call he ignored, Telling them lies that felix is doing that and this. If this isn't worse than what is?. Hearing their voice breaks him into pieces he doesn't know if he is able to bring it back to its places or if he deserves that. 
He knew that he had let them all down. He disappointed everyone. The news spread to his parents and felix parents, their friends. Not sure if it went on media he couldn't care about it anyways. 
He couldn't say a single word to Minho, he disappointed him. What should he even say to him? He doens't have any words. He expected the harsh words from Minho and he just sobbed on the phone. His friends has been calling him but he is not receiving any of it. 
Minho is the one who is been positive about their relationship to work out. He understood the depth of Hyunjin's emotions, even when Hyunjin himself tried to hide them. Minho had recognized the pain and longing that Hyunjin experienced when Felix left Korea. How much it hurted hyunjin. And how much he had cried to Minho. That's why Minho was adamant to get them back together Despite facing challenges in his own relationship.