106: Hunger Is Not Gift

                                    

                                          
TW: Mentions of self-harm.
Daryl's POV:
Last night I camped out in the loft on top of the horse stables. Mae and the kids took the room that we used to consider ours here at Hilltop but last night she wasn't wanting to be with me. Instead she was with Siddiq.
Speaking of that awful boytoy of hers, when I left the loft with Dog I saw Mae and him kissing goodbye since she's staying and he's not. I can't help but feel nauseated by the fact that she's kissing another man. 
But another thing that doesn't sit right with me is everything Merle told me yesterday. Mae has been hurting herself and has apparently been carving new scars into her skin. Now, I don't understand why she would do something like this, but the thing I understand the least is why Siddiq hasn't put a stop to it.
Merle said Siddiq knows about it and that's why the two started talking so much. So if Siddiq knows what she's doing and cares about her, why hasn't he put an end to this shit? He's just watching her maim herself and he's doing absolutely nothing but encourage her. Any amount of respect I had for that man is now gone.
After their kiss I saw Mae look at Siddiq the same way she used to look at me. She's staring up at him with her huge 'deer in a headlight' eyes while nibbling on her bottom lip and smiling at him. 
I don't know what I was thinking when I slept with Leah all those times. It's not like I had to. And I definitely didn't need to since I had Mae back home, and I know I could have slept with her anytime I damn well pleased. But instead I decided to make the worst mistake of my life and have sex with Leah.
And I can't blame Leah. Not one bit. I never told her I was married. But then again, I did have my ring on, so maybe she did know. Not that it matters. Even if Leah knew, it's still my fault. I was thinking with my dick and not my head.
When Siddiq finally pulled away from the woman I love, I watched her wave off everybody who is currently leaving for Alexandria before she noticed me staring at her. I was internally fighting myself not to cause a scene right now and lift up her sleeve. But when I finally do that, It's gonna need to be a private conversation and not in the middle of Hilltop.
"Tell me you didn't sleep up there." She said while pointing to the loft and sighing.
"Ya mean the penthouse suite?" I grunted at her while resisting every urge to start screaming at her for hurting herself. "Dog picked it."
"Alden and Luke should've been back by now." She told me with worry in her eyes. Alden and Luke had left yesterday before we got back to search for us, and I do agree they should've been back by now. "Now, it could be absolutely nothing. But my gut tells me that it's something."
"They'll turn up."  I stated. "They will."
She nodded her head before putting a hand on her hip. "So, what are we gonna do with that girl?"
"Why is it even up to us?" I asked her wondering why we need to figure it out instead of the actual leaders of this community, Maggie and Glenn.
"'Cause like it or not, you and I are the best damn judges of character out there." She tilted her head at me. "Plus, Maggie she's tough but if someone lies well enough she'll believe them. And Glenn.. Well he just wants to see the good in everyone and I love that about my brother, but it's a dangerous trait to have."
I grunted, agreeing with her. Glenn and Maggie won't know how to handle this situation. Glenn would probably pick the girl a bunch of flowers and give them to her in a vase hoping that his kind gesture would save her.
"We just..." Mae continued speaking. "We just need to make sure we don't bury any of our people. I don't want to lose anyone else."
"Alright." I said as I glanced down at her wrist. She was now snapping a rubber band onto her wrist, making me clench my fist enraged by the fact that she hurts herself. "What's that for?" I know what she's doing, I just want to hear the lie she's gonna come up with.