41. Boulevard of Broken Dreams

                                    

                                          
"I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me, and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one, and I walk alone"

For a while now I have been operating on autopilot. I tell myself it's just temporary. He'll call... Yet nothing is happening. My measure of time has come down to only realizing the difference between the day and the night. Maybe I am being pathetic but it feels like life is so boring all of a sudden. 
No amount of TV shows can keep me occupied, nor a conversation with friends, the ones I have left, or a walk in nature... Nothing. I keep catching myself checking my phone. Hoping there will be a message, a simple "I miss you" or "I'm sorry", but nothing. He might have been my imagination with how hard he's trying to stay away from me. 
-Are you okay? How are you feeling today?- I managed a smile even tho I just wanted to go back home and try to find sleep. As I said time is the best medicine, so maybe it will help. Eventually.
-For the hundredth time, Cassian, I am fine.- His brown eyes are checking my face for any sign of a lie and I'm pretty sure he knows the truth yet he just nodded.
-Sure... Maybe you should take some days off, you know, just for a week or so.- I shrugged as we continued along the street after our evening jog. To be honest, Cassian is helping a bit. At least he is a distraction, a more than welcome one. 
-That won't help.- My voice is a bit edgy but Cass knows my moods by now. After two weeks of me changing my resolutions and emotions on a whim, Cassian knows how to deal with me. 
-It can't hurt. Honestly, Violet, at this point it can do you good to get away. You shouldn't be in that environment. Such hypocrites... I can't believe they are talking about you, and to say all those things and even go as far as to remove you from the project you worked so hard for, frankly, they don't deserve you.- I couldn't help but chuckle bitterly and take a sip of my coffee. Oh, I've been through this emotion. Rage. First, there was sadness, then rage. Or maybe they came together. Now there is just... Acceptance. I gave up. Not that the gossip doesn't bother me, but I've done all that I could. I tried explaining, somewhat explaining, it didn't work. I tried ignoring it, they got even more daring. Now I am at lost of what to do, so I am just waiting for it all to pass. 
One day Arthur just told me that I should work on the project from the shadows. It wouldn't hurt as much if I wasn't already invested in the project. It's something I loved working on, I had so many ideas. They had another business trip about collaboration this weekend but I am not a part of it. Maybe because Nicholas is going and he doesn't want me near. But I chose not to believe that. Nicholas takes his company seriously. I'm sure that he didn't let me go because that's the best for the project.
-They will stop once something more interesting comes up. It will pass. Also, Nicholas knows best. If he removed me, it is because that's good for me.- I didn't dare take a look at Cassian because we already had this conversation and I know the face he's making right now. A mix of rage and pityness. I don't know which annoys me more. 
-Yeah, real hero your Nicholas. When shit hit the fan he just decided to get rid of you. Classy.- 
-ENOUGH!- My sudden snap surprised even me as I stopped in my tracks and took a look at Cass's face. He doesn't look surprised tho. His lips are in thin line and his eyes are half closed yet with weariness in them. 
-You always say bad things about him, we've been over this. I don't want to hear it. He is not perfect, and yes, I am angry with him but he is just human. I hurt him too. For a relationship to work, there should be trust, it goes both ways. I'm not innocent in this whole story.- Cass shook his head and pressed his hand between his eyes, making a painful grimace.