Hard Day

                                    

                                          

We decided on a sleepover at Penelope house. JJ, Emily, and I all surrounded the kitchen, helping Penny with her extravagant meal planning. I left Jack and Aaron for the night, which tended to be hard at times; not just for me but for both the hotchner boys too. Aaron confided in me that he had a hard time sleeping without me after growing accustomed to eachothers bodies and nightly routines side by side. I had agreed. In this last case, I didn't really want to leave Aaron's side, and I don't think he wanted me to either. It was a tough one. I and Reid were taken hostage for a few hours by a tormenting psychopath unsub. The words he said to us hurt more than he could know. I hadn't been able to tell Aaron any of it yet, either. It just taunted and taunted, and tau- "y/n, can you grab the wine?" Penny asked, interrupting my thoughts, thankfully. 
Once I registered what she said, I turned around, grabbing the different wine flavors she had. 
"Y/n? It's okay if you don't want to be here tonight? I know you had a rough few hours and haven't been able to talk to Hotch much, " JJ said. 
I took a deep breath, pushing it all down but failing miserably. "I would hate to leave you guys, though." 
"Y/n you have to take care of yourself too, and don't get me wrong, we are all here for you ALWAYS, but we know that you feel more comfortable at home with Hotch and Jack." Emily added in. 
I pondered the decision. Before Penny spoke up. "If it's any consultation, Hotch has been blowing up your phone and ours to make sure you're okay."
That made me smile. "I'm sorry, guys. I really wanted to be here. I just feel overwhelmed with thoughts. I don't want to ruin this. " I stated. I really did want to go home, but I didn't want to ruin their night, but again, the thoughts took over. 
"We have so much time to have more. But we want you to feel okay too!" Penny replies. 
"I'm so sorry, guys," I reply sadly. I wish things felt okay right now. 
"It's okay!" Penny says, and they all come to hug me. After a few minutes. I had to wipe my tears. I had Aaron drop me off, so I had to call him. I walked outside to the porch to make the call. 
"Hey," I say when the phone picks up. 
"Hi honey, you okay?" He answered quickly. 
"Can you come get me?" I ask quietly. I feel my nerves building up. 
"Of course I can. Are you okay?" He asks once again. 
"I just need to be with you right now," I reply back, wiping a tear off my eyes before it could fall. 
"Okay, Honey, I'll be their shortly. Take a deep breath. You are okay, and you are safe. I'm coming." He replied back swiftly and calmly. 
"Okay," I breathe out. 
"I love you," 
"I love you too, honey." 
15 minutes later, Aaron was pulling in. He got out of his car in an almost rushing manner and walked up to me on the steps. 
I wiped my face once again before looking at him. 
"Thank you," I say. 
"I would do anything for you. To be honest, I really did not want to be without you tonight or any night for that matter. " I chuckled a little. 
"Me too.....I just can't get the words out of my head. The girls, I guess, noticed right away that it was happening and told me that it was okay to go home. I didn't want to ruin anybodies night. But I just want to be with you. I need to be with you. "
"You didn't ruin the girls' night. I think they are changing it now. It's hard to do it right after the case. But you also definitely did not ruin my night. Seeing you makes it better." I laugh at his cheesiness. It was true, and I knew it was. "Come on," I say, using his hand to help me stand up. I pulled him inside with me. 
"Hey guys, Aaron's here. I'm so sorry. I hope we can plan another time, " I say calmly, feeling the nerves rising again in the moment. 
They all came barreling at the door. "Don't apologize. We all kind of want to go home, to be honest. We should definitely talk Rossi into a BAU sleepover at his mansion, " Penny said excitedly. 
I smile. "Definitely." Aaron stood behind me the whole time, just observing the conversation but hand in hand. "Need a ride, anybody?" Aaron asks. 
"Will is coming to get me." Jj says. 
"Penny, are you okay alone?" I ask genuinely concerned. 
"I'm okay! Emily offered to stay. Sergio is already here anyway!" I nod with a soft smile. 
"I appreciate you guys. I'm sorry our sleepover tonight didn't work out, but it's definitely another time. It's just been a hard day." The girls nodded along with me. 
I let go of Aaron's hand to hug them all. I needed it. We pulled back, and Aaron's hand found mine again. "I love you guys," I say. 
"We love you too." They echoed back. 
I turned around with Aaron by my side, heading down the stairs. "Thank you," I say. 
"No need to thank me. It's my job, " Aaron smiles. 
"Well, too bad. I'm thankful, and I love you, so deal with it. " I joke a little. 
Once we had gotten in the car and drove home. We officially got comfortable in bed with Jack sound asleep in his bed. 
"Do you want to talk about it?" Aaron asked softly, holding me close. 
"I just-I. The unsub today messed with my mind said things that felt hard to hear, knew things he shouldn't have known. He knew about my parents' deaths, my relationship with you, and Jack. He said I am the reason nothing survives. Everything dies around me. " I cry out loud. 
Aaron's arms wrapped more snuggly against my body. Caressing the top of my head. "That is not true at all, darling. Everything that has happened was not your fault. You are not at fault or to blame for anything that happened to your parents. Survivors' guilt is hard but sweetheart. You are the most strong, wonder, beautiful, extraordinary woman I know. You've been through hell and back, and you still are standing. Jack and I love you and are so happy to have you in our lives. I don't think we will ever let you go, " he states caringly. 
"Thank you," 
"No need to thank me. It's the truth. You deserve every good thing that comes." 
"I already got one of the best things. You and Jack." I reply with a small smile.