Shadowed thoughts

                                    

                                          
Wrote the start of this while listening to idfc by Blackbear and it fit the vibe so well.
Glimmers of blue light filtered through the distorted and faded glass, falling on the cream-coloured carpet like a spotlight. The light fanned out, spreading like spilt water that seeped and faded away past the crack under the closed door, the shade of blue lighter than it would have been inside.
Soft music breezed in the air, the kind that would put you to sleep, and faintly a voice could be heard. Soft, tuneful and calm. Felix always loved how Han could do that with his voice, how he could whisper the lyrics and a sense of clarity would wash over anyone who would hear.
Felix left the boy to his own comfort, knowing how he felt after that performance he did. Han needed this atmosphere, this soothing vibe. He was proud but the adrenaline was rushing, and his head was running with too much all too quickly. It would overwhelm him, and Felix understood.
The comfort of one's own home purely depended on its context, didn't it? But, if it wasn't comfort, could one call it home? Felix would say you'd have to build the comfort to call it home, after all, home is what you make it to be. Here, with Han within walls that he bought and decorated to his liking, and memories to his character, that was home. Not with the ones he called parents, not his childhood. This.
But home could always change for better or for worse. Home could become more than what it is. In the quiet room, on his bed earbuds in, Felix wondered if shadowed thoughts of a certain boy with hair the colour of faded roses was the oncoming example of this. After all, shadowed thoughts were significant, but it was hard to decipher how, when the game was still far too close to where it had started. It had just begun, after all.
So why did Felix constantly envision something break, at the mere thought of Hyunjin? There was more to it, more than that undeniable attraction, more to Hyunjin.
New beginnings always bring with them the old.
«T/D»
Clattering and fond insults fell through the closed door, muffled and at some point indistinct. If you paid enough attention you could make out what was being said, but the key word there was if. The certain rose-haired boy wasn't trying to decipher what his friends were saying. If he wanted to do that he would open his door and walk out. 
But saying that Hyunjin's only reason to not go and hang out with Minho and Jeongin was because he didn't want to, would be the biggest lie of the century. The hard to admit truth was, Hyunjin wouldn't be able to focus on what would be said, even if he tried. And if he said it wasn't because of recent events? The constant memory of how silver bangs brushing over a freckle dusted face impacted him? 
If Hyunjin not hanging out with his two closest friends was a lie of the century, then Hyunjin saying Felix Lee isn't the reason of his unattainable thought process was the lie that could never be topped.
Frustratingly, Hyunjin was unable to focus on anything but Felix, the very boy that he had discovered only a very little while ago. He felt his mind get stuck on how unexpected the boy was. Every piece of evidence imprinted to his mind, and like dominos, they tumbled over whatever control he had.
Hyunjin felt something shatter, something familiar, but so foreign at the same time. He felt something in him become unstable and suddenly all practice of certainty vanished, leaving him wobbling through whatever this new beginning was.
New beginnings, but it felt very old, expected. Not deja vu but not something different and unknown entirely.
Hyunjin, he felt how tense and on the border of breakdown he was, and he knew why he felt so. His life was turning away from what it once was, of course he felt lost. What Hyunjin didn't know, is why there was a part of him, not as big as his frustration but still so very noticeable, that was feeling so...free. 
So at ease with the new change, not accepting, because it was past that stage it seemed. What was worse (or maybe bad would be a better word, since nothing was actually becoming worse), is that Hyunjin, no matter how much he wanted to, could not drown in the peace of it all. He couldn't manage to bring the almost high feeling to spread all through him, as if that part of him was locked away, waiting for the key that Hyunjin did not have, in his perspective atleast.
Something in him was holding its breath, waiting for whatever that was meant to happen, to happen. 
But nothing did happen, not when he wanted to. Nothing happened when the boy finally walked out of his room and to his friends, getting mocked by Jeongin and a glance from Minho that meant something, he just didn't want see what. Nothing happened when he sat down to eat, in fact he forgot all about it as he fell into the light and joking atmosphere.
It was only when Hyunjin fell back onto his bed, once again on his room that Hyunjin felt something loosen and he realised something. It wasn't the whole answer, no because it was far too soon for that, too close to the start. What he realised, was a way to get to the answer.
And who could have guessed that it was the very thing Hyunjin would revolve around for the rest of his life.
«T/D»
Moonlight blanketed over the sea and sliver of land, it's natural light encompassing anything that beheld it's soft, pearlescent glow. A silence floated in the air, one that held meaning that no one could comprehend and it felt as if every aspect of the moment, the trees, the sea, the moon itself, they held their breath, waiting.
The moon glowed stronger, the sea sea shined brighter and the world let out a sigh, no longer waiting, now following instead.
And silence held more than meaning. Now there were shadowed thoughts, flowing and fluttering across the sky, unheard but felt, yet it was just as inconceivable as the sky was vast.
«T/D»
Surprise, from your's truly 🖤🖤
Some people who commented gave me motivation and my head left that writing  block (finally)  so here we are.
Hope u enjoy and tell me what u think. I'm not sure if anything makes sense and not sure if my writing talent went out the window here but feel free to give thoughts and comment.