Chapter 66

                                    

                                          
Monday, October 23rd
NIALL HORAN
Every day has been a little bit more.... Blah? Or at least more numbing than the last day. I check my phone, I guess I've only been home three days, but damn does it feel like more. I'll lie if anyone ever asks, but honestly, spending that time in the hospital with Riley was the highlight of my year. 
I liked hearing her laugh at the stupid reality television shows we both enjoyed watching. I noticed how she would pick the mushrooms off the pizza when it was a veggie slice, instead of inconveniencing someone to just order it without, because that is who she was and didn't want to bother someone else. She had a peculiar way of sleeping sometimes, where she would complain her knees are touching and ask for an extra pillow to put between them if she tried to be on her side. Her hair would curl just slightly near her ears with small waves. 
Riley was so beautiful and kind. However, it went so much deeper than that, Riley was smart, ambitious, secretly adventurous, stubborn, and playful.
The first night I saw her at one of the parties I knew I wanted to talk to her. I didn't care that I was tipsy, in fact, it maybe gave me the courage. I tried to offer her a shot while flirting, and I was sure she liked me. I was also sure of it the day I asked her out, hell, I thought honestly it would be me that ended up with her.
I knew there was something with Harry, but I thought he would either get bored of her, or that she would see through his asshole tendency to blow off. I was clearly wrong. 
Her stupid jokes while shopping haven't made any of this easier. How did Harry wind up with someone like Riley? I know he is happy, and I know she is, but god damn does it sometimes suck to watch your best friend end up with the girl you wanted. Who knows if Riley and I would have ever been a real or serious relationship, but now there will never be a chance for it.
Don't do it Niall.
You haven't done it in two weeks.
Don't.... Do.... it.
I try to reason with myself, but there is no use. I know I am going to cave. 
It's too soon.
God, if the fucking guys knew they that I did this all the time, they would be disappointed in my secrecy. 
I've been hiding this for so long that now it seems weird to talk about it with anyone. I remember the first time I did it. I wasn't even sure what the fuck I was doing. But, there was a driving force, and I had to. I needed to. I slip out of my room as discreetly as I can, double checking that the hallway is clear. I had already made the call and told him to meet me outside, because he knew I couldn't drive very well in my condition.
No one was in the upstairs hallway, but I saw a single person on the couch in the living room. Luckily since it was a weekday and early in the morning most guys were on campus and in class. I double take to make sure it was just one of the brothers on the couch and not one of the guys who will ask what I am up to.
None of your business.
Normally in the past I lie and tell them eating, shopping, friends, whatever it takes. Literally no one has caught me yet, and it's been almost eight months now... what's a few more?
I slip through the house as quiet as can be, until I finally make it out the door. I see the black car waiting outside for me, thank god he is already here. The interior was warm compared to the fall weather and Chuck had already turned on a seat warmer for me. "Ready to go Horan?" I give him the go ahead and Chuck starts to head off, completely aware of what I need from him right now.