forty two

                                    

                                          
Seraphine
Luca holds Seraphine to his chest as she weeps in his arms, letting all of her fear, anger, and sadness dampen his wrinkled shirt. She's so grateful for him, for his strength and stability in that moment, that she pulls back a few inches so her eyes meet his and her trembling lips start to mouth her gratitude. 
"Don't thank me for having human decency, Seraphine," Luca says before she can speak, and Seraphine feels her eyes water once more. She closes her eyes and lets her tears fall, everything about her relationship with Derek becoming clear. 
All of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the disrespect and degradation. Everything. 
All of it was wrong. 
But here, in Luca's arms, on the floor of her new room, in the ginormous house where her professors live? Where they've promised to take care of her? 
Seraphine sinks back into Luca's arms and sighs.
Nothing has ever felt so right. 
"Will you take the phone, Seraphine?" Luca gently asks as he pets her hair, and Seraphine glances up at him through her lashes. She watches him swallow, the giant dragonfly on his neck working as his muscles tense, and hears the underlying request: Will you accept us? 
Seraphine doesn't have to think twice--not anymore. 
"Yes," she murmurs, and Luca's shoulders relax under her. She manages a small smile, and feels her eyes start to droop. Seraphine stifles a yawn, but Luca must sense her rising exhaustion because he plants a chaste kiss to the crown of her head and starts to shift under her. 
"You need sleep, Seraphine. Let's get you to bed." His tone is stern but caring--nothing like Derek's manipulative voice--and Seraphine nods in agreement, letting a yawn go. 
She feels a deep chuckle rumble in his chest and is already blushing when it pushes past his lips above her head. Luca shakes his head and his hands slide from her back to her arms, gently gripping them and lifting her off of his lap. 
Seraphine tries not to think about how she'd crawled onto his lap while in tears, or how he'd practically dragged her there himself. 
Luca stands and leans down, extending his hands to Seraphine. She sniffles a final time and looks up at him, her eyes searching his slate gaze as he stares down at her. 
She feels him looking straight past her skin and into her soul, and for some reason, it gives her a sense of peace. 
Seraphine feels seen. 
"Thank you," she whispers up at him as her hands find his, fitting perfectly. The side of his mouth lifts as he lifts her, the corded muscles in his arms tensing as he brings her to her feet. 
Seraphine tries not to think about how strong he is, and just focuses on following him to the bed. 
"Do you want the window open or closed, sweetheart?" Luca steps in front of the window, meaning to close it, but Seraphine shakes her head, loving the fresh air. 
"Open, please." Luca nods and moves back over to the bed, leaning down and pulling back the covers for Seraphine to crawl under. 
She looks at him, and then the bed, and then him again. Luca, seemingly sensing what her next question is going to be, simply smirks and pulls the covers back further. 
Her cheeks burn as the question floats around her head. Why is the bed so big?
Seraphine pats her warm cheeks as she lifts a leg and settles onto the bed. She freezes for a second before her entire body collapses onto the softer-than-soft mattress, an embarrassing moan escaping her lips as she spreads herself on the silk sheets. 
Luca hums above her, and--too tired to do anything else--she merely smiles sheepishly up at him as she maneuvers her body to rest on the pillows behind her. Her damp head hits the silk pillow and her eyes flutter close as she feels like she's floating on a cloud. 
"That's it, princess. Sleep," Luca's voice sounds a thousand miles away as Seraphine starts to drift off, but she doesn't miss the feeling of his lips against her forehead.
Before he steps away, Seraphine searches her body for the strength to utter a few more words. 
"I'm sorry, Luca." She sleepily murmurs, and she feels him stiffen against her. 
"Sorry for what, Seraphine?" Seraphine feels her cheeks start to redden as she shifts under the covers, and she cracks her eyes open to see him only a few inches away from her. 
Her gaze flits down to his lips--just for a second--before she closes her eyes again and rolls over, unable to face him as she finishes, 
"I'm sorry I made you wait." 
~~~
Seraphine wakes up in a sweat that sticks her skin to the silken sheets, blurs her vision, and leaves her head clouded with thoughts of hands, hands everywhere, hands touching pulling pinching squeezing tearing bruising--
She falls out of bed, tripping over the sheets as she rushes to the bathroom, barely making it before her stomach empties into the toilet. 
Seraphine vomits a few times as thoughts--no, memories--of Derek and Richard and John and Dave run through her mind and across her skin and inside her body, and soon tears slick the toilet seat she grips so tightly. 
"Please," she begs the darkness behind her eyes as her body convulses, as memories flood her mind, and her stomach lurches once more. 
After she's done, her stomach settles, and a shaky hand reaches up to flush the toilet. Seraphine imagines Derek and Richard and John and Dave swirling down in the toilet, getting flushed away with the vomit.
She sighs, knowing it doesn't work like that, and stands up, her knees knocking together. She searches the dark bathroom for the light switch, flicking it on and wincing at the harsh lighting. 
Seraphine doesn't dare look in the mirror, afraid of what she might see. 
Instead, she pulls open drawers gently, trying not to wake anyone up as she searches for a washcloth and then a toothbrush and some toothpaste. She finds what she needs and dampens the washcloth, wiping her face and the back of her neck with the cool rag before spurting a heaping helping of toothpaste on the toothbrush and shoving it into her mouth. 
Seraphine stares at the sink as she violently brushes her teeth, getting rid of the stench and taste of vomit while she thinks about nothing. 
She leaves the bathroom light on as she rips Enzo's dirtied shirt off of her body and throws it in the hamper, heading to the closet and grabbing a random oversized shirt from the stack she'd noticed earlier. She's sure it belongs to one of her professors, but she's too tired to guess which one. 
Five minutes later, the bathroom light is off, the tiny trashcan she found residing next to the toilet is next to her bed, and she's crawling underneath the covers once more. 
~~~
For what feels like the fifteenth time tonight, Seraphine jolts awake, covered in sweat. Fear clouds her judgment, making her think she's back in her and Derek's apartment, and then she remembers where she really is and she sinks back into the covers, crying. 
She doesn't remember falling asleep again. 
~~~
The last time she's awakened by a nightmare, she stays awake. Her fear melts into fury and she punches the mattress, claws at the silk sheets, tosses pillows about the room, and silently screams until she's rocking on the bed in a tightly curled ball, wishing for death.