Chapter 38

                                    

                                          
Two sets of eyes stared at me so intently that it made me nervous. My heart was racing inside of my chest and I'm pretty sure I forgot how to breath. Gosh why did I open my stupid mouth.
I was thinking of a way to tell them the truth without having to hurt their feelings. Fear clenched onto me, if I pick one then I risk losing the other.
If I choose to be with Jhonny, then that will mean that me and Simon are done. My feelings for him were far from gone so being friends wouldn't be an option. Nor does that ever work, especially since we're in the same team together.
On the other hand, being with Simon has been amazing. He has been there for me ever since day one, we have history together. I can't give that up, even if things have changed in the last couple of days.
But if I stay with Simon, then I might lose Jhonny. Sure we have been friends before all this, even while I was with Simon, but things are different now.
We both have started to catch feelings for one another and couldn't go back to just being friends. Having to look at your crush be with someone else, not just anyone but his best friend, is just painful. I couldn't do that to him.
Why did they both have to be so amazing and sweet? My gaze shifts from one to the other and back again. My heart was beating so loud that I'm sure they could hear that from where they were standing. My hands were sweating and I felt my whole body shake from the nerves.
"So recently, I've been-..." My words came out so slow and shaky. Just say it, the voice in my head yelled.
Jhonny looked at me sympathetic and he offered me a gentle smile, I'm sure that by now he could tell what I was going to say. He tried to assure me it was going to be alright, to find the courage to tell Simon.
"I have feelings for the both of you." My voice was hardly above a whisper yet it rushed out of my mouth, leaving a bad aftertaste.
I felt my cheeks turn red, I couldn't look at either of them so I tilted my head down to look at the ground. Although I know Jhonny was already aware of this, I had no idea how Simon was going to react.
I peaked up when nobody said anything for a while, only to see Simon's boots move towards me. His hand reached to my chin as he lifted it up with his finger, forcing me to look at him. I wanted to punch myself when I saw the hurt in his eyes.
"I'm really sorry, I never wanted to hurt you." He stood still in front of me without saying a word. I hadn't realized I started crying until he brushed the tears away.
"I know." He whispered before he pulled me against his chest and tightened his arms around me in a tight embrace.
"I don't know what to do." I said in a hoarse voice, my head laying against Simon's chest while I looked at the side where Jhonny who stood.
I expected Jhonny to be hurt by the closeness between me and Simon but he wasn't, he offered me a gentle smile that calmed my nerves.
"I'm an awful person," I said softly into his chest. "I can't choose. Because if I pick one of you, I'll lose the other. You two mean the world to me and I can't stand the thought of not having you both in my life."
"You're not an awful person." Simon says while he strokes his fingers through my hair.
"Nor will you lose either of us." Jhonny said from beside me, he had moved closer towards us and was rubbing circles on my back.
"You say that now." I whispered.
Jhonny and Simon were looking at each other as if they were talking to one another without actually speaking. I closed my eyes and leaned deeper into Simon's hard chest that was giving me comfort.