notes

                                    

                                          
lila's pov
billie asked me to sleepover yesterday, after catching me watching edits of her.
wtf.
the thing is, the second she left my house, she completely ghosted me. she hasn't been answering my calls, texts, snaps, literally nothing.
i'm really scared that she got creeped out by the fact that i was just watching edits of her so casually on tiktok??
then my phone pings.
hey girl i can't sleepover anymore sry
oh.
that's ok ! i type back
i definitely just scared her off. dude
she actually got me to feel safe for once in my damn life that revolves around cash and i just scared her off. whatever i'll get over it. i go to text cash where he's been because i haven't seen him since he fucked me and left.
cashhh wya
hey i'm worried
wherever u are just please come home soon
i'll make dinner !
i love youuu
i just put my phone down, my head can't handle two people ignoring me and being dry at once. i hate how i'm attracted to the edits i see of billie, but i hate how im stuck with cash at the same time because i still love him. 
i get a notification that my shift starts in thirty minutes, so i put on my work uniform and start re-doing my makeup
i work at a coffee shop in the outskirts of los angeles. it's nice because it's rarely busy and i love making coffee sooo.
i get into my car and start the ten minute drive to get there. i play music and of course all of billie's songs decide to start playing. i just listen to them to hear her voice
once i pull into the parking lot, i only see one car, and that's my managers. i walk in and see a few employees cleaning and making their own drinks. i check the stations list and see that i'm hosting. yippee.
i hate hosting because i hate talking to new people. i'm always getting less than 3 dollar tips and i am barely surviving off of my money.
cash deals daily so that's how our bills are paid and he gives me so much shit for that. that's why i cook, clean, and give him head.
it's a shitty life when your boyfriends a drug dealer that hits you when he's high, and worse when you can't survive off your own paychecks.
that shitty boyfriend just texted me back!
lila you need to fuckin chill
i'm wit the gang yk this girl
making the money that keeps you alive🤷🏿
this bitch is gonna make me pull the trigger istg. if it wasn't for him keeping me alive with the food he buys id be on the streets. that's why im with him.
but i also love him.
that's the problem with me.
*
im sitting on my phone at the host stand because nobody has come in for the past hour. doomscrolling is also a work hobby too!
as i'm paying attention to nothing but tiktok, i hear the door open.