Sunshine on a cloudy day

                                    

                                          

                            

                                
                            
                              
                                  
                              
                              
                                
                                  
                                  
                                
                              
                             
                            
                            
                          
                          





1955-2012
I stood there staring at the headstone. This is where I would go. My down days as I like to call them. Chrissy hugs me and heads back to the car. 
"Daddy I miss you so much, I don't know what I'm doing anymore, or who I am. I've made so many mistakes dad and I feel horrible about them. On the plus side i met someone. I'm sure you already saw him coming, he reminds me of you. But i can't do it dad I can't" 
*flashback* 
"I've got sunshine on a cloudy day, when it's cold outside, I've got the month of May. I guess you'd say what can make me feel this way... my girl" 
"Come on sarah sing with me" as he snaps his fingers to the song
I was 10 years old riding in the front seat with my father on our way to the mall. That was our thing we did together every other Saturday morning. I was always able to buy one thing only. 
"What can make me feel this way... my girl, my girl, my girl, talkin bout my girl, my girl" 
Safe to say I was most definitely a daddys girl and spoiled rotten as he'd like to say. But not so much rotten. He and I always sang together during our car rides. He wanted to get me into voice lessons but I always said no because of the fear of facing an audience. 
"Ew dad look at them kissing that's gross" I said as we pulled up to the mall looking at a Teenage couple.
He laughs at me "oh sweet girl one day you won't feel that way" 
"Dad, boys are gross" I said as I crossed my arms.
"You are just like your mother" he laughs as he taps my nose with his index finger.
"Alright sarah, remember just one thing" 
"I know dad i know, fye it is!" 
*flashback over*
"Please dad guide me, what do I do" 
As I kissed my hand and then placed it onto my father's headstone "I love you, keep looking out for me" 
I always felt a sense of relief coming here. As sad as it was, it was the only thing that I felt comfortable doing on my down days. My brother and sister never visited our fathers grave. As it was too hard for them. Everyone grieves their own way and this was mine.
My head was telling me to forget about Noah all together. But my heart just couldn't let him go. 
"Someone is at our house" Chrissy said as I got into the car showing me the ring camera footage. 
"Noah?" 
What's he doing here? He's supposed to be in. Wait I have no clue because I haven't been following their tour dates. But that's beside the point. 
"What's he doing here" I said outloud looking over to chrissy. 
"No-" chrissy begins to talk to him through the camera 
"Stop no, maybe he will realize we're gone and leave" I said pushing her phone down. 
"Sarah stop it, you have to talk to him, grow a pair and just do it, you like him you idiot and you know you've missed him, plus he flew all the way from wherever to be here" 
I did miss him, as much as I hate to admit it. And just wanted him to hold me. I needed him. I craved him. Just his touch. 
"Noah it's chrissy, we're not far, see you soon" she said into the phone.
I feel like I'm going to be sick.