46. 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶

                                    

                                          
this is a double update, read 45 first!
Blood runs across my skin, the cold liquid sending a shiver up my spine. My first assumption is that I've injured myself, but upon checking every inch of my body, I realise there isn't one wound on my skin. 
But as I look down at my arms I notice that littered along each of them are stars painted from blood, just like the ones Rafe used to draw on my skin. I rub at them, trying to clean the blood off of my skin, but they don't budge, not one bit. 
"Sidney," A voice startles me and I turn to my right, realising that lying beside me in the bed is Rafe, and then I realise where the blood has come from. 
"No," I whisper, breaking down at the sight of his once crisp white shirt, stained with blood. Blood that was shed as a result of my actions, my lies, my part in concealing the whereabouts of Denmark Tanny's diary. 
My eyes shoot open and I take in the dark surroundings, the colour of the sky outside suggesting that it's probably not even 4AM yet. I look at Kiara who lays asleep beside me and then down at Rafe who's lying on the floor beside me. 
"Just a dream," I whisper to myself, sitting up in bed and wiping my aching eyes with my hand, "It was just a dream."
I don't know how I managed to fall asleep in the first place, perhaps it was the exhaustion from being in that water. All I know for sure is that we don't have long to get out of here, and shortly Singh will begin asking questions again. 
Something about being reunited with Rafe also doesn't feel real. I'm not sure whether I believe in fate, destiny or luck, we haven't had much of it lately. But if the only good that I have to hold onto is being reunited with Rafe, it's the only thing that'll get me through this. 
"Sidney?" I look down at the floor to see Rafe staring up at me, as he slowly sits up, "You're meant to be asleep."
"I could say the same to you," I whisper, shuffling towards the edge of the bed, adjusting the uncomfortable satin fabric of the black pyjamas provided by Singh, "Why are you awake?"
"I was keeping an eye on you," Rafe tells me, "I suppose I was worried that I'd fall asleep and you'd be gone, what about you?"
"It was a nightmare." I reply, looking back at Kiara who's still sound asleep, and deciding to climb off the bed, sitting on the floor beside Rafe, so as not to disturb her. 
"You still get them?" Rafe whispers as I lean my back against the side of the bed, him doing the same. 
"Most nights," I nod, staring out the window at the stars, "Except every night it's a different person I care about who's bleeding on the tarmac."
"Who was it tonight?" Rafe whispers, as I return my gaze to him, preparing to bare my soul all over again, reminded of how he manages to see through me so easily, meaning there's no point in lying to him. 
"You."
"I didn't think you'd still cared about me." He sighs, the light from the moon perfectly illuminating his face. 
"I never stopped," I glance down at his hand, taking it in mine, interlocking our fingers, "Leaving you on that boat wasn't an easy choice, but it was a choice that I had to make."
Rafe stares down at our hands, and then back at me, as though he can't quite believe that it's me, "I ruined your life."
"I think I did a pretty good job of that myself," I sigh, conflicted by everything that happened during the summer, knowing deep down that I never would've spiralled if it hadn't been for Peterkin's death, which Rafe caused.