75

                                    

                                          
This week had started off so well.
Seeing Rose happy was one of the best feelings in the world. She seemed so carefree on her birthday and it was nice to watch her relax and enjoy herself for once.
I couldn't believe I'd almost ruined that. 
I'd had my back to her, so hadn't noticed her approach us until it was too late. I don't know what she'd heard, but my guess was she missed everything I'd been telling the guys about my sister and only caught the end. I had to admit, it had sounded bad. I was incredibly grateful that she believed my explanation. I don't know what I would have done if she'd been sceptical since I'd got absolutely no proof and even I knew it sounded like some sort of lame excuse.
Every minute I had to myself I repeated the conversation in my head. I wasn't completely sure what parts she'd heard, but she'd definitely heard us laughing about it. She'd definitely heard me say things like disgusting and vile.
It broke my heart that even for a moment, she'd thought those things about herself.
I wanted so desperately to build up her confidence, to make her feel beautiful and wanted. And for a moment on her birthday, I think she finally did. There was a look in her eye as I kissed her and told her how amazing she was. She looked like she might've believed it.
Now, that look is gone. 
In fact, she doesn't seem to be able to look at me. Every morning when I pick her up, her gaze is fixed on the ground beneath her feet. In the car, she stares out the window and during tutoring, her head is buried in a textbook. She keeps any conversation brief, no matter how hard I try and get her to talk to me, and when the opportunity presents itself for her to get away from me, she takes it.
I know she's not doing it to hurt me, but fuck, it does. It hurts, seeing her close in on herself again. It's like we're practically strangers again and I hate it. I miss her so damn much, even when she's sitting right across from me. But I can't seem to get through to her. She's adamant that she's done something awful and she's a horrible person for not trusting me and won't listen to reason.
She's punishing herself for believing the worst. But I can't blame her in the slightest. Nobody would be understanding if they heard the things I was saying.
"Baby, please look at me," I begged her after lasting a total of ten minutes of silence. It was Friday morning and I could not stand to spend the whole weekend knowing she was still upset. 
She tilted her head and looked up at me through her lashes for a fleeting moment. I caught sight of her bright blue eyes briefly before they lowered back to her book. "You're supposed to be writing your report," she muttered.
Screw the report. I couldn't have given less of a shit about passing biology while she was avoiding me. I didn't even have it in me to care about getting back on the team. I just wanted to get back to how we'd been earlier this week. 
So, I stood up, reached forwards and snatched the textbook out of her hands. That made her look at me. "Matt-," she sighed, hands already reaching across the table for the book but I shoved it further away and then took her hands in both of mine. She weighed next to nothing as I lifted her from her seat and then settled back into my own, pulling her down with me. "What are you doing?" 
I grinned up at her. "You're too far away over there."
I caught the slight twitch of her lips, which only spurred me on. "I'm not working on my report until we fix whatever is going on here," I told her, gesturing between the two of us. "Please talk to me, I hate seeing you upset."
Whatever detached façade she was putting on seemed to melt away. I was pleased for a split second, before her eyes flooded with guilt. "I don't deserve you," she mumbled, still avoiding looking at me.