Chapter 18 - When the World Is

                                    

                                          
This is what Plagueis was trying to kill him to stop. The destruction of the galaxy. Of everything.
And Obi-Wan killed Plagueis, saved Anakin's life just because he asked him to. He always knew he could die. Will die someday. Everyone does. But in that moment, he was so afraid of dying, he didn't think about what he could be asking. He thought – a lot of things.
It was so stupid. So selfish. He shouldn't have done it.
"Anakin," Qui-Gon asks gently, "I sense your guilt. What is it?"
He sighs. "I – I could have stopped this," he confesses, "I didn't. I should have. What if that's what I came here for? How many people will die here, because of me?"
"This wasn't your choice, Anakin," Qui-Gon promises, "You didn't choose to allow this to happen. You had no way of knowing."
"I wouldn't even care if you did," Ahsoka tells him, "Anakin, you are the best thing that's ever happened here. I wouldn't care if you were the one who ended this. I don't care if you could have stopped it. You're the only person I've ever had." There's so much passion, so much heart in her words, it reminds him of himself.
And he doesn't understand it. All around here, he's surrounded by people who... love him. Care about him. Padme, who said she wants a life with him. Asajj, who chose to leave her life as a bounty hunter to stay with him. Ahsoka, who... everything about Ahsoka.
He doesn't know why he never got that in his own reality.
"I'm not worth the entire reality, Ahsoka."
"You are to me," she snaps back, "Look around you. There's nothing good in this place. Maybe it needs to die. Sometimes, things need to die for something... better to be born. That's what war is about. Destroying something to make it... better. And if we die here, I need you to know, nothing ever... meant anything, until I met you."
"You too," Anakin says, feeling a bit strangled by emotions, finally finding his voice. "Thank you. You meant a lot to me. I didn't... want a padawan, but it was you that kept me fighting in the war. That kept me moving forward. That... I was able to make it through the war. The only thing I cared for was keeping you safe. When I found you here, I knew I had to help you."
"You could have left me," Ahsoka replies numbly, "You had a reason to. I was going to hurt your friends. I know what you must have thought of me. I know what I've done. Rex... all my men."
"You're still her," Anakin tells her, "You always have been. You're not my padawan, but you're still..." He struggles to find words for this. He can think of very few words to describe Ahsoka. Adorable is the first word that comes to mind. Feral is the second. But that's not what qualifies their relationship. Ahsoka is... he raised her. He took care of her. "My sister," Anakin supplies, because he can think of no other term. "I raised you. I... I don't know what else to call it."
He feels a little better about having gotten it out, but it still... he still feels responsible for it. He still thinks he should have done something different. He could have helped them. He was supposed to help the galaxy.
He didn't.
***
Anakin still feels numb when they land on Coruscant. He can still feel the deaths in his mind. Can still hear the screams in his mind. It hurts. Doesn't want to consider the enormity of it yet.
The Lost Familiar and Marauder touch down beside each other in the Works, the same place they landed last time. This time, when he comes here, Anakin doesn't feel anything except numbness eating him inside out.