A Hand to Hold(Future Rise Leo x Reader)

                                    

                                          
Your eyes scan over Leo's head, taking in the dark void that Leo had claimed was our room. You feel the arms around you tighten their grip the smallest amount at your movement. You look back down, seeing Leo's tired eyes staring back at you. "You're supposed to be asleep."
His voice is heavy, a quiet testament to the stress weighing on him. His face was outlined in the dim light, the blanket you both slept on in place of a bed scrunched up and messied. You couldn't help but stare, his every feature making you swoon. He looked peaceful despite the pain he was working through, his eyes anguished and his face still full of grime despite the many times he scrubbed it after his patrol. You lean over, giving him a soft kiss on the forehead, hoping dearly it would help him settle down and trick his racing thoughts into believing he was safe. "So are you."
He rolls his eyes at your response, pulling you closer as he buries his face into your neck. His constant nuzzling reminded you of a wounded animal searching for safety. He stays quiet for a while after, neither of you pulling away from the other. It's comforting being beside him, the worries of outside and your imminent death no longer weighing in your mind, even if it's only for a small moment. Leo's hand was wrapped around you, pressing firmly into the small of your back so you couldn't leave his side even if you wanted to.
It was comforting. The way he smelled, the way he felt, the way he was holding you so close you couldn't help but feel loved. Everything about him was everything you ever wanted, everything you ever needed. Despite the apocalypse, you couldn't help but be happy when you were near him. Leo was your one and only, your life and death. You lean down and press a kiss to the wrinkles forming on his forehead, the commonly coined 'Raph chasm' seeming to spread amongst the other brothers as well.
Leo leans up after the kiss, his eyes watering and a pained expression plated across his face. You quickly shifted the way you were laying, your arms leaving his sides to cup his face and wipe away any tears that might fall.
"Leo? Hey, baby, what's wrong?" You say, ignoring the obvious answer of what was wrong. Right now, everything and anything was wrong, but you just hoped it was something you could help fix. Leo continues to just look at you for a moment, his eyes studying your face and constantly flickering between you and the walls behind you. You patiently wait for him to speak, not wanting to force him into an explanation before he is ready.
"Do you remember?" His voice caught you off guard, the soft spoken words coming out of the now leader of the resistance. He sounded so broken, so unlike the hopeful persona he slapped on earlier when tucking Casey Jr. into bed.
"Remember what?" You ask, confused and dearly hoping he wasn't thinking about what you knew he was. Leo looks into your eyes, the pain and guilt breaking through his tough exterior he had managed to keep up for so long. Leo takes a moment to gather his thoughts, to bring himself back down from the spiral he was about to become caught in.
"It's my fault." He repeats, sounding absolutely broken. "It's all my fault. I ruined everything."
He doesn't even give you time to respond before he pulls you close, his arms trembling around you as he tries his hardest not to sob. There were too many people around, too many ears and eyes just a few feet away for him to truly grieve the world he lost. For him to grieve the opportunities he would no longer have, the family and friends that had succumbed to his mistakes. Every quiet sob tore your heart in two.
You waste no time pulling his face close and quietly shushing him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear to try and make him feel even marginally better. To see your husband break down like this was something that almost never happened, a once in a lifetime event. You knew that his cocky and proud façade would collapse eventually, but you had at least assumed there would be some indication beforehand.
"It wasn't your fault. You didn't know." You gently soothe, both thumbs rubbing his cheeks and wiping his tears. Leo doesn't comment, his wet and warm face stricken with regret. You didn't know how to help, how to bring his spirits back up. So instead you wait, letting him cry in your arms for as long as he needs. You could talk about his doubts and guilt later, comforting him and making sure he could process the loss he has to face everyday was your top priority. You don't stop massaging his cheeks until you feel his weight start to press down on you more, and his cries start to lessen.
You barely breathe until you're certain he was finally asleep, a tight frown despite no longer being awake. You let out a soft sigh, pulling him closer and settling down. You continue to watch him for a while, making sure his chest moved and his eyes stayed closed. Him being so distraught earlier pained you, but you understood the stress and remorse he had weighing down on him. Putting those thoughts aside, you press your forehead against his and fall asleep, not letting go for a moment.
---
Words: 913
Posted: 02.08.24
A/N, not important: If you're wondering what is going on, I have nothing to tell you because I don't either. Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.