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Taraji's POV
I have to say that life has been very peaceful- but also very boring- without Fantasia around to constantly pressure me into having an affair with her. I'm trying to hold on to the peace for as long as I can, because tomorrow I'll be flying to Atlanta with her on Oprah's private jet. If she comes near me I'll be liable to push her out of the plane. I don't know what to make of her aggressive approach. It's frustrating and enticing all at the same time. I know that she would never actually hurt me, no matter how many sexually violent threats she makes. She's infatuated with me, and I can be honest enough to admit that I'm infatuated with her, too. The difference between us is self control. She has none. The weight of trying to do what's right only falls on my shoulders, never hers. All those times she tried to come on to me, she never once mentioned leaving her husband. That's the only way that I would even consider crossing that boundary with her. I refuse to put myself in a situation that doesn't serve me. I did that long enough with Kelvin, and the only thing I got in the end were bruises and emotional scars that I'm still trying to heal.
I'm not mentally strong enough to give her what she wants. As physically attracted as I am to her, I'm not even sure if I'm comfortable with the thought of having sex with a woman. The first and last woman that touched me was a side piece that my ex-husband invited into our home just to hurt me, and she did her job. Sometimes when I'm laying in bed at night, I can still hear her whispering in my ear, telling me to "relax" and that it's "just a finger". Her nails made me bleed and she didn't even care. Fantasia's so rough- would she hurt me like that, too? The claw marks down there still burn sometimes. I am in no position to give that part of myself to anyone, especially not a married woman. I don't have a lot left, but I still have my dignity. I would only be degrading myself by allowing myself to fall in love with a woman who belongs to someone else. We would never be able to be seen together in the daytime, not in the way that normal couples are. Every night spent with her would mean next to nothing, because she would be gone in the morning, running back to her husband and children. How would I ever build a family with someone who already has one? If she ever gets a divorce, I'll be the first person at her door, but until then she'll just have to be satisfied with us being coworkers and nothing more. Not even friends. If she was really my friend, she would be more concerned about how she's making me feel instead of trying to get in between my legs.
Kelvin has started harassing me again, and Fantasia is the one person I want to call and tell all about it, but she would just try to take advantage of my vulnerability and turn it into an opportunity for her to corner me again. The last encounter we had opened my eyes to a lot of things. She's been treating me like an object, and I allowed it because I liked the attention. I enjoyed the chase, but now I'm getting tired of running. I just want to stop and breathe, but she sucks up all the air whenever we're in the same room. She's so overpowering. When we start filming, there will be no way to avoid her. I'm going to have to face her. Almost every scene that I'm in is shared with her. Shug Avery loves Celie, but Taraji has no idea how to feel about Fantasia. Danielle thinks that we should sit down and have a conversation, but I don't think that much of anything will come from talking to her. She doesn't hear anything but what she wants to hear, and I'm usually not saying the things that she wants to hear. The last conversations I remember having with her were fueled by tension and pinned up anger. She always manages to back me into a wall, and I have to both figuratively and literally fight my way out just to get her to back off. I don't know where the tender, soft Fantasia went, but I've been missing her. I'll admit that I played my role by tempting her in the beginning, but she doesn't know when to stop. She always has to take it farther than I'm willing to go. If she keeps pushing, I'll have no choice but to push back.
I took a break from packing for Atlanta to treat myself to a drink. I'm feeling pretty lonely right now, but my home girl Stella Rosa can keep me company. I told my kitchen Alexa to play a mix of R&B music, internally praying that no Fantasia songs would come up. I was scrolling through my phone with one hand and sipping my wine with the other when I heard my doorbell faintly ring in the noise of the music. K-Ball came scampering out of a random room and barking, curious to know who our unexpected guest was. I unlocked and opened the door to see Danielle standing on the welcome mat. K-Ball wagged his tail and ran around in a circle at her feet, clearly as happy to see her as I was. In my time of isolation from Fantasia, she has become like a sister to me. Whereas I used to call Fantasia for anything, now I hit Dani's line. All she wants in return is the same support. Unlike Fantasia, who only wants my body.
Taraji: Dani! Girl, what are you doing here? Our flight is at 4 in the morning. You should be with your family right now.
Danielle: My husband and my baby are coming with me. It's all good. I wanted to come see you.
Taraji: Well come on in. Our girl Stella will be happy to see you.
Danielle: Ooo that's my bitch!
We laughed as I led her into the house. She took a seat at the kitchen island and scooped K-Ball up into her lap while I poured her a glass.
Danielle: Are you done packing?
Taraji: Almost. Every time I travel I damn near bring my whole house with me.
Danielle: You know it's funny, Fantasia said almost the same thing when I talked to her earlier.
Taraji: Who is that?
Danielle: Raj, don't be petty. I feel like you two would get a really clear understanding of each other if you both put your pride aside and just talked.
Taraji: It's not about my pride, it's about my peace. She disrupts the hell out of it.
Danielle: You miss her and you know it. Whenever we're together, I always catch you staring at her contact in your phone when you think I'm not looking. I don't know what happened between you guys, but whatever it is, it can't be worth throwing away the beautiful friendship you were beginning to build. She feels like we're singling her out, and honestly, I can see why she would think that. I've been here for you because I know that you need me, but in being by your side, it feels like I've been neglecting my friendship with Tasia. It's all because you two won't talk to each other.
Taraji: I'm not stopping you from hanging out with her. Just don't invite me out if she's there, that's all I ask.
Danielle: That's very divisive Taraji, and it won't go that way on set. This movie is going to fail if you two don't get your shit together. You're too much of a good woman to let that happen. When we get to Atlanta, I want to set up a conversation with you two. I'll be there to mediate in case anything gets out of hand, but you need to hear her and she needs to hear you.
Taraji: I don't have anything to say to her. Even if I do try to talk to her, she's only going to gaslight me. It's what she does. The Fantasia that you know, and the Fantasia that I know are two very different women. I appreciate you for coming over to spend time with me, but if all you're going to do is talk about her then you can leave.
Danielle: I'm not going anywhere, so stop with the bullshit. You know that I'm not going to lie to you and I'm not going to beat around the bush. You only feel this strongly because you genuinely built a connection with that girl, and you're scared that you'll fuck it up somehow. You can't break something that's already broken. The only thing left to do is fix it. Both of you need to stop being punk ass bitches.
Taraji: Fuck you, Dani.
Danielle didn't even acknowledge my comment. Probably because we both know that she's right. She just rolled her eyes and poured another glass of wine for me. She then poured one for herself and raised it to me before throwing it back. Anybody can see that she's pretty, but I've never noticed how beautiful she is. Physically, she's a lot like Tasia- thick and chocolate, bright brown eyes. It's becoming clear to me why I've been so fixated on having Danielle around lately. I want Fantasia back in my life.
Things are heating up. Could Taraji be attracted to Dani?👀
