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by its_petrichor

by its_petrichor

you forget what it's like
drowning
the in-betweens
they're never this bad
they're comfortably bearable
they're habitual
they're systematic

but then you start to remember
slowly at first
but then all at once
you wake up one day
and you have remembered
you've remembered everything

but maybe the hope is that because you remember
you can do things differently this time around
you really can
if you want it badly enough

but then there's
of course
the question how
how can I make it easier for myself this time around?
how can I carry myself through this without going into dept?
how can I emerge on the other side and still be me?

I need to be me after this
I can grieve anything on this plague-ridden planet
except me
the girl that I do not love
but could one day

I need to make it to that day
I need to show up that day and still be me