01/18/24

                                    

                                          



         So I introduced the concept of an alterhuman too Claire and Coco, and Coco immediately jumped to the z0o in Ohio who brought a litter box to school to use instead of the toilet, Claire already didn't like furries, but now she is okay with furries because they don't identify as animals and then they were like "so they think they're actually like in an animal body?" I go, "that is a type of mental illness, being a therian is basically just being in touch with your spirit animal" Coco said it was a streatch and Claire is fully negative, but she asked me if I was and I told her no, and she said that she would be more open to it if I was, so that's nice.

         I had my drug talk today about opioids and nicotine and marajuana and alcohol and that was fun. (sarcastic) we do it every year, and the lady is literally the best parent ever, she has never grounded her son, she is open minded around her son, and I wash she was my mom cuz I would be able to tell her, she was able to make the talk around tricky topics like fentanyl and heroine not uncomfortable, I would trust her, not my own mother who has said I look like a werewolf because I didn't shave my legs, and she points out my insecurities and she is also had a really hurtful reaction when I came out as pansexual, and my mom, I can hear her mocking me at night downstairs, my house is nowhere near soundproof and I can hear it.

           My mom and I have problems, one thing, I was at a hotel and I was on an air mattress so I could sleep in a bed without anyone else in the bed, and I did the circle thing dogs do before they lay down, just out of instinct, and my mom looked at me and said "stop that Jesse, you're not a cat" Never said outloud, but I thought. ' I'm a dog'  

           I really don't think my parents will be open to it.

          Maybe when I go to highschool I'll start a club about alterhumans, to find other alterhumans and educate people on alterhumans. 

          Results of the highschool applications are coming out I  8 days. I'm pretty sure I got into the school I wanted, it's a great school, and it has a lot of places I could just go to be alone, and chew and play and just do therian stuff. Oh, recently I got a washcloth, I've made sure to keep the washcloth sanitary and clean, I've been using it for when I have the urge to chew on something. It also doesn't get fabric strings in my mouth, I don't like that so the washcloth is nice. 

        I was feeling just a little shifty today but nothing much happened.

       I wonder if my crush likes me, because she is kind of in a situationship but she acts the same way around me as I act around crushes I've had in the past. Say hi, small talk, say their name, open body language, smile when we see each other, I might ask her opinion on alterhumans, but if I bring it up over text she might get the ick.

           Last night when I showered I had another memory flash. I breathed in the shower steam and I remembered running around in a field, it had just rained, the grass was wet and the dirt was muddy, and I say a white farmhouse and there was a forest maybe half a mile behind the house. I don't have anything on the young woman but I think that she could have been my caretaker 

          I couldn't sleep last night until I made a den-ish makeshift bed under my desk last night. When I woke up my phantom tail was there, but the ears weren't, after I ate breakfast that phantom shift was over

          That's all I had for today, I know it was all over the place but I like chaos
<Jesse>