15

                                    

                                          
OLIVIA POV
My body felt warm and safe as I relaxed in the gigantic bed Alex chose for our Master bedroom.
Feeling safe is not something I am used to.
My childhood was full of uncertainty.  For years my Dad was abusive both emotionally and physically.  I was his outlet and had no idea what I had done wrong to deserve such treatment.
Once I got my wolf things changed.  Suddenly I was useful to him and his platform.  Now what was once being beat when he was angry turned into sparring against the biggest guy in the training camp in front of everyone.  
In the beginning I had no chance.  A 13 year old girl that was clueless about fighting needed to learn fast but thankfully I've always been smart.  I started studying jiu jitsu so I could evolve into a fighter that was able to hold her own.  Add in physical training along with running and it did not take long for me to start winning more than I lost.
To start seeing the pride in my Dad's eyes.
He would brag about me to warriors and leadership at each pack we visited but continued abusing me behind the scenes.  Nothing was ever good enough to stop him.
My stomach lurched and I realized why these visions are playing in my mind.
Alex is browsing my memories.
I don't mind at all and expected this at some point but would have rather told him about what to expect first.  Remembering what I dealt with as a child made me feel like damaged goods.
Why would he want me?
The question I asked John, Kara, and my Dad after running my first night here echoed through my mind and I bolted up, slipping from the bedroom after asking Alex if we could talk without Willow around.
 Alex was cuddling his sweet little girl, his jaw locked and eyes dark with an expression I could not read.
I have to get some space.
Talking about my feelings has always been difficult for me.  It takes me ages to get comfortable enough with someone so I am willing to stop deflecting and open up.
Once I was in the kitchen I chugged a glass of water then grabbed my phone to start a shopping list in the Notes app.
Maybe if I am busy getting a list of what we need here I can distract myself from the feelings that are trying to suffocate me.
Assuming Alex does not reject me after what he saw.
The thought made my stomach ache and heart race.  I continued moving anyway, peeking around at what Kara already purchased for the house. She did a great job stocking the cabinets with basic dishes and silverware, not to mention the pots and pans I saw ready to use.
"Kara will be here to get Willow soon," Alex's voice was a low growl and the anger pouring from him made me panic.
"Alex?"  I need to connect with him so I could try to explain. 
Try to tell him how I'm not the same little girl anymore that did not know how to stand up for herself.  That whatever I did to cause that treatment would not happen again.
That I would do everything in my power so he never saw me weak.
I reached out to lay my hand over his heart but Alex immediately stepped back.
My eyes blinked back tears as I gave more space between us, stepping backward to rest against the kitchen counter.
There was a shift in energy and I felt remorse through our bond.  Anger was replaced with deep grief for his actions.  My heart was slightly relieved but I knew there was more to the story.