Chapter Twenty Three

                                    

                                          
Day after day Joel and I continue on our journey westward. Middle America, even in the end of times, is desolate. There's nothing but flat land for miles and miles. At some point, the days begin blurring together and each one resembles the last. 
Looking at the map I see we only have about sixty miles before we reach Omaha. An unsettling feeling resides in my stomach and as I look over to Joel I realize our time together is coming to an end sooner than I want it to. In the times I look at him without him realizing, I've been trying to memorize his mannerisms, the small details about him that I know I will miss more than anything. 
A gust of cold wind breaks me out of my trance, and I pull my shirt closer to me. Within the span of a week or two the weather has turned from scorching hot to cold. We weren't anticipating such an extreme change so quickly, and we are severely underdressed. The nights have been freezing, and there have been several mornings where I've woken up and been surprised that I still have my fingertips. 
To distract myself from the chilled air, I ball my hands into fists and cross my arms and try to think of anything else other than the cold. Joel downplays how cold he is, but I can tell it's starting to get to him in the way he keeps putting his hands in his pockets. 
"So, any big plans when you get back to Wyoming? You're not too far anymore." A sad smile finds its way to my face, and Joel slows his pace to walk alongside me. Looking down, his eyebrows crease into his familiar scowl. 
"No, no big plans." His voice is soft, and his lips open once more as if he's going to say something else, but falls short of speaking them. 
"Be sure to take it extra easy for a while then, you deserve it." I say truthfully, knowing that he deserves to rest as long as he needs after toting me all through the country side. 
"No such thing as taking it easy anymore." He says with a sigh. 
"Well, at least you'll be with your people, I'm sure they've got somewhere warm waiting for you. I'm just hoping the snow waits until I get back to Boston, but I don't have much faith that the weather will hold off that long." My eyes turn down to the ground, watching my footsteps instead of looking to Joel. We walk a few more paces in silence before Joel speaks back up.
"We'll get it all figured out." His voice is soft, and though I don't know exactly what he means, I know that I can trust his judgment. 
He pushes his hands back in his pockets, and my eyes catch the broken watch on his wrist. I noticed it when he found me outside of the QZ walls, but never had much time to give it any thought. 
"Why do you wear the watch?" I ask, curious to find out why he keeps it. His eyes glance down to his wrist before he looks back to my eyes. 
"That's when my time stopped." His answer is simple, but I know it carries a heavy weight with it. 
We continue on in silence, each preoccupied with our thoughts. Each step we take brings us closer to Omaha and I know I've got to mentally prepare myself for the acts I know I'm going to have to commit. But whenever I start to second guess myself, the images of the dead children in Boston remind me of why I'm here to begin with. This isn't about me, it's about rectifying their deaths. 
The air is blisteringly cold, and by the time the sun goes down I'm convinced my toes are no longer attached to my body. I ball my hands in front of my face and blow hot air onto them, trying to regain the feeling but with no success. Joel arranges pieces of floorboard from the abandoned house we've taken refuge in in the fireplace and lights it.
The two of us sit close to the fire, practically putting our fingers and toes in the flames to feel them again. He sits beside me, the flames highlighting the angles of his face. Unable to help myself, I find myself staring with a familiar sadness and dread taking residence in my chest; it's become a heavier weight to carry the closer to Omaha we get. And I know tonight is likely my last shared with Joel.