-Chapter 7- I blew my first human interaction

                                    

                                          

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"I don't need you to tell me it'll be okay
I'm no stranger to the pain
I don't mind rollin' in the mud while it rains
If it helps me to grow"

-Even the Stars by Sarah Jeffery

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  I was running. And running. And running. I didn't even know from what. There was just darkness and the feeling of my feet giving up on me. I stumbled and fell on my knees. I could feel myself sweating by the adrenaline. This was too much. I couldn't continue like this. The floor was black by the darkness, but I could feel the cement of a road. My arms were shaking with fear. I closed my eyes trying to put myself together, but my mind was clouded by fear, anger, uncertainty, and most of all betrayal.
  I had to calm down. I tried to pick up my breath. I had to stand up. I had to run. I had to disappear. I had to fix everything. I had to do something, but I was frozen with my eyes shut as I wished this wasn't happening. I wished this was a lie and not everything else in my life.
  I opened my eyes slowly as I finally visualized the road under me. I looked up to see a city. Houses and buildings surrounded me. Everything emitted light that blinded me. Then another sense kicked in I started hearing sirens in the distance. They were catching up.
  "Stop soldier!" Someone screamed into a microphone. That was the one thing I needed for me to pick myself up and start running once more. What took me so long to realize? This wasn't what was supposed to happen. I didn't know what I was doing back then. This wasn't what I wanted. Even though this wasn't completely my fault it still was. I still killed people. I still tortured families. I still sent millions to exile. I still help build this tyranny.
  "Gotcha," I heard someone whisper in my ear. It was a voice that sent me the creeps. 
  It was dark and mysterious. I knew people that have heard it were only high-ranked generals or people who would not live long enough to remember its voice. Back then I thought he was here to help the people, but now I knew the truth. Now I knew what he was. Now I knew this was all fake. Now I knew that what we did wasn't worth it. Now I knew that my whole life I had been one thing, the villain.
  The floor shattered underneath me and I started filling into darkness, but wasn't that where I already was? My heart was poisoned by all my misdeeds a long time ago, just that now it was too late to fix this. To fix me.
  You can run from me all you want, but you can never completely escape your past. Let's face it your life has brought nothing but misery to others.
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  I almost jumped from my bed, by the sudden awakening. I was sweating and shaking. 
  What was that? Is that what they call a nightmare? Whatever that was it was the worst feeling of the world. It was as if fear had taken over my body and mind. I couldn't think straight. My feet were hanging from the side of the bed while I took a breath. I had stood up so fast that my head was a little dizzy, but I quickly shoved the feeling off.
  I tried to remember my dream or nightmare, but nothing came to mind. The only the thing that had stayed was that last phrase: You can run from me all you want, but you can never completely escape your past.