Sabrina 👀👀

                                    

                                          
It was a few months after Elijah and I's breakup which we made public when I did an episode on "Wavelength", a podcast that my friend recommended me to join. After doing that, I started drinking out more, partying with friends, focusing on my hobbies and my passion which was painting. I did numerous art exhibits, until one night, I went to a bar in the uptown area, drinking with my art friends, I noticed a guy looking at me when I was dancing, he walked up to me complimenting me and we ended up making out. 
My phone buzzed with notifications from my friends and some hate comments on my socials, calling me a "homewrecker", "a liar", all sort of things you can think of to humiliate a person for their wrongdoings. I felt shame, anger and resentment towards myself, wondering how many people I might've been hurt for what I did. The guy whom I made out with, wanted to meet with me to talk over what had happened but I declined because I didn't wanna be seen with him and I also didn't want to cause more tension between him and the girl he hurt. 
I ended up drafting an apology letter to post on my story, letting them know how the alcohol took a hold of me, how it was never my intention of hurting people, and how I was gonna take a break from socials to reflect and meditate on who I am as an individual and for me to fully heal from my breakup with Elijah.
Elijah. I thought to myself, I thought about how he was doing, how he was coping with our breakup and if she found himself someone new. After posting my socials, I drafted my message to him, only to see he beat me to it, I opened his message and read it. 
Elijah: 
Hey! I know what happened. I wanna hear your side and I also want you to apologize to the girl whom you've hurt. 
Here is her number. She deserves to know your side. 
I knew that he was talking about Alaine. She was the girl who he was posting on her stories, she was pretty, far from his usual type but she seemed lovely,  I drafted a short but straightforward message to her and sent it.
It was the next day when Elijah and I saw each other,  he had this serious look on his face, his eyes showing me that the love for me was gone that he started moving on. 
We half hugged, and sat across from each other, the silence between us, you could cut with a knife. I looked at the old couple sitting two tables across from us, they looked so happy together, kind of what I envisioned when Elijah and I were still together but we just weren't meant for each other. 
"Elijah!" I say, cutting the silence between us 
"What?" He says, annoyance in his tone 
"I wanted to let you know how sorry I am." 
"For what exactly? For hurting Alaine? For being insensitive and kissing her soon to be boyfriend? For painting me to be the villain?" He asks, letting me know how much people I've hurt 
I look down at my lap, his eyes peering away from me, I looked up at him and took a deep breath. 
"I'm sorry for hurting you, for hurting Alaine, for being selfish during our relationship. I was young and naive that I thought what love was, I thought that I knew what I wanted but I guess we weren't ready to be together." I say, putting my hand on his but he moved it away 
He didn't say anything, I stood up, wanting to order something because I knew we'd be awhile. I went back with my Iced Mocha Latte and sat down. 
"I cannot forgive you right now, but the one person you should apologize to is Alaine, just like what I said in my message I sent you. She needs an explanation as to why you did that to her." He said standing up 
"Wait! Will this be the last time we'll hear from each other?" I ask, stopping him 
"I don't know." He says, and walks out that door 
I watch him through the window, disappearing through the crowd, I sipped my coffee before I left the coffee shop. 
It was at that very moment I lost Elijah, the person who loved me first, the person I fell in love with, my first love.